[INSTRUMENTAL OVERTURE}
*tune of "Seventy-Sex Trombones"*

[CONDUCTOR, spoken]
River City Junction
River City next station stop

[1ST SALESMANs, spoken]
You're crazy with the heat
Credit is no good to a notion salesman

[CONDUCTOR, spoken]
Aboard
All aboard

[2ND SALESMAN, spoken]
Why not?
What's the matter with credit?

[1ST SALESMAN, spoken]
Why it's old fashioned
Charlie you're an anvil salesman. Your firm give credit?

[CHARLIE, spoken]
No sir
[1ST SALESMAN, spoken]
Nor anybody else

[CONDUCTOR, spoken]
River City, River City next

[1ST SALESMAN]
Cash for the merchandise, cash for the button hooks

[3RD SALESMAN]
Cash for the cotton goods, cash for the hard goods

[1ST SALESMAN]
Cash for the fancy goods, cash for the soft goods

[2ND SALESMAN]
Cash for the noggins and the piggins and the firkins

[3RD SALESMAN]
Cash for the hogshead, cask and demijohn
Cash for the crackеrs and the pickles and the flypapеr

[4TH SALESMAN]
Look whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk?

[5TH SALESMAN]
Wheredayagitit?
[4TH SALESMAN]
Whatayatalk?

[1ST SALESMAN]
Ya can talk, ya can talk, ya can bicker, ya can talk
Ya can bicker, bicker, bicker, ya can talk, ya can talk
Ya can talk, talk, talk, talk, bicker, bicker, bicker
Ya can talk all ya wanta but is different than it was

[CHARLIE]
No it ain't, no it ain't, but you gotta know the territory

[3RD SALESMAN]
Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh
Why it's the Model T Ford made the trouble
Made the people wanna go, wanna get, wanna get
Wanna get up and go seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve
Fourteen, twenty-two, twenty-three miles to the county seat

[1ST SALESMAN]
Yes sir, yes sir

[3RD SALESMAN]
Who's gonna patronize a little bitty two by four kinda store anymore?

[4TH SALESMAN]
Whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk
[5TH SALESMAN]
Wheredayagitit?

[CHARLIE]
Not the Model T at all, take a gander at the store, at the modern store
At the present day store, at the present day modern departmentalized grocery store

[4TH SALESMAN]
Whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk?

[1ST NEWSPAPER]
Wheredayagitit?

[4TH SALESMAN]
Whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk

[1ST NEWSPAPER]
Wheredayagitit?

[1ST SALESMAN]
Ya can talk, ya can bicker, ya can talk, ya can bicker
Ya can talk, talk, talk, talk, bicker, bicker, bicker
Ya can talk all ya wanta but is different than it was

[CHARLIE]
No it ain't but you gotta know the territory

[3RD SALESMAN]
Why it's the Uneeda Biscuit made the trouble
Uneeda, Uneeda put the crackers in a package, in a package
The Uneeda Biscuit in an air-tight sanitary package made the cracker barrel obsolete, obsolete

[CHARLIE]
Obsolete, obsolete, obsolete

[4TH SALESMAN]
Cracker barrel went out the window with the Mail Pouch cut plug chawin' by the stove
Changed the approach of the travelin' salesman, made it pretty hard

[CHARLIE]
No it didn't, no it didn't
But ya gotta know the territory

[3RD SALESMAN]
Gone, gone

[1ST SALESMAN]
Gone
Gone with the hogshead cask and demijohn
Gone with the sugar barrel pickle barrel, milk pan
Gone with the tub and the pail and the tierce

[2ND SALESMAN]
Ever meet a fellow by the name of Hill?

[1ST SALESMAN]
Hill?

[CHARLIE]
Hill?

[3RD SALESMAN]
Hill?

[4TH SALESMAN]
Hill?

[2ST NEWSPAPER]
Hill?

[2ND NEWSPAPER]
Hill?

[5TH SALESMAN]
Hill?

[2ND SALESMAN]
Hill!

[ALL (EXCEPT CHARLIE & 2ND SALESMAN)]
NO!

[CHARLIE]
Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute

[4TH SALESMAN]
Never heard of any salesman Hill

[2ND SALESMAN]
Now he doesn't know the territory

[1ST SALESMAN]
Doesn't know the territory?!?

[3RD SALESMAN]
What's the fellow's line?

[2ND SALESMAN]
Never worries 'bout his line

[1ST SALESMAN]
Never worries 'bout his line

[2ND SALESMAN]
Or the crackle barrel bein' obsolete, or the Uneeda Biscuit in an air-tight sanitary package, or the Model T Ford

[CHARLIE]
Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute

[2ND SALESMAN]
Never worries 'bout his line

[1ST SALESMAN]
Never worries 'bout his line

[2ND SALESMAN]
Or a doggone thing, He's just a bang beat, bell ringing
Big haul, great go, neck-or-nothing, rip roarin'
Every time a bull's eye salesman
That's Professor Harold Hill, Harold Hill

[1ST NEWSPAPER]
Tell us - What's his line? What's his line?

[CHARLIE]
He's a fake, and he doesn't know the territory!
Look, whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk?

[2ND SALESMAN]
He's a music man

[5TH SALESMAN]
He's a what?

[3RD SALESMAN]
He's a what?

[2ND SALESMAN]
He's a music man and he sells clarinets
To the kids in the town with the big trombones
And the rat-a-tat drums, big brass bass, big brass bass
And the piccolo, the piccolo with uniforms, too
With a shiny gold braid on the coat and a big red stripe runnin'...

[1ST SALESMAN]
Well, I don't know much about bands but I do know
You can't make a living selling big trombones, no sir
Mandolin picks, perhaps and here and there a Jew's harp...

[2ND SALESMAN]
No, the fellow sells bands, Boys' bands
I don't know how he does it but he lives like a king
And he dallies and he gathers and he plucks and he shines
And when the man dances certainly, boys, what else?
The piper pays him! Yes sir, yes sir, yes sir, yes sir
When the man dances, certainly, boys, what else?
The piper pays him

[ALL]
Yessssir, Yessssir

[CHARLIE]
But he doesn't know the territory