[Verse 1]
No sweet and pure angelic lass for me
That kinda gal can spin a web, you see
She trades on wholesome innocence galore
But it's my independence that she's trading for

[Verse 2]
The only affirmative she will file
Refers to marching down the aisle
No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess, no sir
For no Diana do I play faun, I can tell you that right now

[Chorus]
I snarl, I hiss
How can ignorance be compared to bliss?
I spark, I fizz
For the lady who knows what time it is
I cheer, I rave
For the virtue I'm too late to save
The sadder but wiser girl for me

[Verse 3]
No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby-doll baby, no sir
That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew
I prefer to take a chance
On a more adult romance
[Verse 4]
No dewy young miss who keeps resisting
All the time she keeps insisting
No wide-eyed, wholesome, innocent female
Why, she's the fisherman, I'm the fish, you'll see

[Chorus]
I flinch, I shy
When the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin
When the gal with a touch of sin walks in
I hope and I pray
For Hester to win just one more A
The sadder but wiser girl for me

[Verse 5]
No giggling ice cream soda drinker
Out to hook you line and sinker
No honey-throated beckoning siren
I plug my ears and I grab my oars and I flee

[Chorus]
I jeer, I boo
At the puritan-hearted ingenue
I yearn, I long
For the woman whose Pop says "What went wrong?"
I root and I clap
For the dame in the gownless evening strap
The sadder but wiser girl's the girl for me
The sadder but wiser girl for me