[EMCEE, spoken]
And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail
In their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'!

[GIRLS]
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!

He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame!
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!

[LIZ, spoken]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like...Bernie! Bernie liked to chew gum--no, not chew. Pop!
So, I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, looking for a little simpathy; and there's Bernie. Lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing--no, not chewing, POPPING!
So, I said to him, I said "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time…"
And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots

Into his head!

[LIZ & GIRLS]
He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame!
If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it
I betcha you would have done the same
[ANNIE, spoken]
I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner. It was like heaven in two and a half rooms
And then I found out, single he told me? Single my ass! Not only was he married, oh no! he had six wives; one of those Mormons, you know?
So that night, when he came home, I mixed him his drink as usual…
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!

[ANNIE, GIRLS]
He had it coming, he had it coming
He took a flower in its prime!
And then he used it; and he abused it
It was a murder, but not a crime!

[JUNE, spoken]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, I'm carving up chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage
"You been screwing the milkman!" he says. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You been screwing the milkman!"
And then he ran into my knife
He ran into my knife ten times

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK, spoken]
Mit keresek én itt? Azt mondják, a híres lakóm lefogta a férjem, én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz. Én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom, miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Próbáltam a rendőrségen megmagyarázni, de nem értették meg

[JUNE, spoken]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[HUNYAK, spoken]
Uh uh, not guilty!

[VELMA, spoken]
My sister, Veronica and I had this double act. And my husband, Charlie, used travel around with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks in a row--one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other! Well, this one night we were in Cicero, the three of us, sittin' up in a hotel room boozing and having a few laughs. And we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some
I come back, open the door…
There's Veronica and Charlie doing number seventeen… the spread eagle!
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

[VELMA, GIRLS]
They had it coming, they had it coming!
They had it coming all along!
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming, they had it coming!
They had it coming, they had it coming
They had it coming all along!
They took a flower in its prime
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it
And then they used it, and they abused it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
It was a murder but not a crime

[MONA, spoken]
I loved Alvin Lipschitz
More than I can possibly say
He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter. But he was troubled, he was always trying to “find himself”. He'd go out every night looking for himself, and along the way, he found…Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive
And I saw him dead!
[GIRLS]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!

They had it coming, they had it coming
They had it coming all along!
'Cause if they used us, and they abused us
How could they tell us that we were wrong?

He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame!
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same--

[GIRLS, spoken]
You pop that gum one more time--
Single my ass--
Ten times--
Miért csukott Uncle Sam börtönbe!
Number seventeen, the spread eagle!
Artistic differences—
(sung)
I betcha you would have done
The same!