[EMCEE, spoken]
For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart would like to sing a song
Of love and devotion dedicated to her dear husband Amos

[ROXIE]
Sometimes I'm right
Sometimes I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

Sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts

But look at that soul
I tell you, that whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree

What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why he'd be right there
Takin' the blame

He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny, honey
Hubby of mine

[AMOS, spoken]
A man's got a right to protect his home
And his loved ones, right?

[FOGARTY, spoken]
Of course, he has

[AMOS, spoken]
Well, I came in from the garage, Officer, and I
See him coming through the window. With my
Wife Roxanne there, sleepin'... like an angel... an angel!

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That Funny honey of mine
[AMOS, spoken]
I mean supposin', just supposin', he had violated her or somethin'... you know what I mean...
Violated?

[FOGARTY, spoken]
I know what you mean

[AMOS, spoken]
... or somethin'. Think how terrible that would have been
It's a good thing I came home from work on time, I'm tellin' ya that! I say I'm tellin' ya that!

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[FOGARTY, spoken]
Name of deceased... Fred Casely

[AMOS, spoken]
Fred Casely. How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him! He sold us our furniture!

[ROXIE]
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts

[AMOS, spoken]
She lied to me. She told me he was a burglar!
[FOGARTY, spoken]
You mean he was dead when you got home?

[AMOS, spoken]
Yeah! She had him covered with a sheet and she's givin' me that cock and bull story about this burglar, and I ought to say that I did it 'cause I was sure to get off
Burglar, huh!

[ROXIE, (AMOS, spoken)]
Now, he shot off his trap
And I believed her!
I can't stand that sap
That cheap little tramp!
Look at him go
So, she was two-timin' me eh?
Rattin', rattin' on me
Well, she can just swing for all I care
With just one more brain
Boy, I'm down at the garage
What a half-wit he'd be
Workin my butt off, fourteen hours a day
If they string me up
And she's out there, munchin' on goddamn bonbons, and jazzin'
I'll know, I'll know
This time she pushed me too far
Who bought the twine
Boy, what a sap I was!

[ROXIE]
That scummy, crummy
Dummy, hubby of mine