[EMCEE, spoken]
And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail
In their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'!

[GIRLS]
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!

He had it comin', he had it comin'
He only had himself to blame!
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!

[LIZ, spoken]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie! Bernie liked to chew gum--no, not chew. Pop!
Well, I come home this one day, and there's Bernie, layin' on the couch, chewin'--no, not chewin', poppin'!
So, I said to him, I said "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time…"
And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots

Into his head!

[LIZ & GIRLS]
He had it comin', he had it comin'
He only had himself to blame!
[ANNIE, spoken]
I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we uh, hit it off right away. So, we started livin' together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner
Then I found out, single my ass! Not only was he married, well, he had six wives; one of them Mormons, you know?
So that night, when he came home, I mixed him his drink as usual
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!

[ANNIE & GIRLS]
He had it comin', he had it comin' (Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-huh! Cicero, Lipschitz!)
He took a flower in its prime! (Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-huh! Cicero, Lipschitz!)
And then he used it (Pop!); and he abused it (Six!)
It was a murder, but not a crime! (Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!)

[JUNE, spoken]
Now, I'm standin' in the kitchen, carvin' up the chicken for dinner, and in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage
"You been screwin' the milkman!" he said, and he kept sayin', "You been screwin' the milkman!"
Then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times

[JUNE & GIRLS]
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK, spoken]
Mit keresek én itt? Azt mondják, a híres lakóm lefogta a férjem, én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz. Én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom, miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Próbáltam a rendőrségen megmagyarázni, de nem értették meg

[JUNE, spoken]
But did you do it?
[HUNYAK, spoken]
Uh uh, not guilty!

[VELMA, spoken, GIRLS]
(He had it comin')
My sister Veronica and I did this double act (He had it comin')
And my husband Charlie traveled around with us. For the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row (He only had himself to blame)
One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, flip flops, backflips, one right after the other! (If you'd have been there)
Well, this one night we were in Cicero, the three of us (If you'd have seen it)
And we were in this hotel room boozin' and havin' a few laughs. And we run out of ice, so I went out to get some (I betcha you would have done the same)
I come back, open the door…
There's Veronica and Charlie doin' number seventeen… the spread eagle! (He had it comin', he had it—)
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washin' the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

[VELMA, GIRLS]
They had it comin' (They had it comin'!), they had it comin'! (They had it comin'!)
They had it comin' all along! (They took a flower in its prime)
I didn't do it (And then they used it), but if I'd done it (And they abused it)
How could you tell me that I was wrong? (It was a murder, but not a crime)

[MONA, spoken, GIRLS]
(He had it comin')
I loved Alvin Lipschitz
He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter (He had it comin')
But he was always trying to "find himself". He'd go out every night looking for himself (He only had himself to blame)
And on the way, he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving (If you'd have been there)
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences (If you'd have seen it)
He saw himself as alive
And I saw him dead
[GIRLS]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!

They had it comin' (They had it comin'), they had it comin' (They had it comin')
They had it comin' all along! (They had it comin' all along)
'Cause if they used us ('Cause if they used us), and they abused us (And they abused us)
How could they tell us that we were wrong?

He had it comin' (He had it comin'), hehad it comin' (He had it comin')
He only had himself to blame! (He only had himself to blame)
If you'd have been there (If you'd have been there), if you'd have seen it (If you'd have seen it)
I betcha you would have done the same

[LIZ, spoken]
You pop that gum one more time--

[ANNIE, spoken]
Single my ass--

[JUNE, spoken]
Ten times--

[HUNYAK, spoken]
Miért csukott Uncle Sam börtönbe!

[VELMA, spoken]
Number seventeen, the spread eagle!

[MONA, spoken]
Artistic differences—

[GIRLS]
I betcha you would have done the same!