[ROXIE, spoken]
There's only one person who can help you now, Roxie!

[VELMA, spoken]
There only one person you can count on now, Velma!

[EMCEE, spoken]
And now, Miss Roxie Hart and Miss Velma Kelly sing a song
Of unrelenting determination and unmitigated ego

[ROXIE]
One thing I know

[VELMA]
One thing I know

[ROXIE]
And I’ve always known

[VELMA]
And I've always known

[ROXIE]
I am my own

[VELMA]
I am my own
[BOTH]
Best friend

[ROXIE]
Baby's alive

[VELMA]
Baby’s alive

[ROXIE]
But baby's alone

[VELMA]
But baby's alone

[ROXIE]
And baby's her own

[VELMA]
And baby's her own

[BOTH]
Best friend
Many's the guy
Who told me he cares
But they were scratchin' my back
'Cause I was scratchin’ theirs
[ROXIE]
And trusting to luck

[VELMA]
And trusting to luck

[ROXIE]
That’s only for fools

[VELMA]
Only for fools

[VELMA]
I play in a game

[ROXIE]
I play in a game

[BOTH]
Where I make the rules
And rule number one
From here to the end
Is 'I am my own best friend’

Three musketeers
Who never say die
Are standing here this minute
[VELMA]
Me

[ROXIE]
Me

[VELMA]
Myself

[ROXIE]
Myself

[VELMA]
And I!

[ROXIE]
And I!

[BOTH]
If life is a school
I'll pass every test
If life is a game
I'll play it the best
'Cause I won’t give in
And I'll never bend
And I am my own best friend!