John Kander
When Velma Takes the Stand
[VELMA, spoken]
Billy, I been thinkin' a lot about my trial. Couldn't I just
Show you what I thought I might do on the witness stand?

[BILLY, spoken]
Go ahead

[VELMA, spoken]
Good! Hit it!
Well then, when I got on the stand I thought I'd take a peek
At the jury. Then I'd cross my legs like this, you know

[QUARTETTE]
When Velma takes the stand

[VELMA, spoken]
Then, when Harrison cross-examines me, I thought I'd give 'em
This...and then if he yells at me I thought I'd tremble like
This..."ooh, no, please stop!"

[QUARTETTE]
When Velma takes the stand
Look at little Vel
See her give 'em hell
When she turns it on
Ain't she doin' grand?
She's got 'em eating out of the palm of her hand!
[VELMA, spoken]
Then, I thought I'd let it all be too much for me, like real
Dramatic. Then, I thought I'd get thirsty and say, "Please
Someone, could I have a glass of water?"

[QUARTETTE]
When Velma takes the stand
See that Kelly girl
Make that jury whirl
When she turns it on
She's gonna get 'em goin'
'Till she's got 'em gone

[VELMA, spoken]
Ah! Ah! Ah! Then, I thought I'd cry. Buckets. Only I don't
Have a handkerchief - that's when I have to ask you for yours!
I really like that part. Don't you? Then, I get up and try to
Walk; oh, but I'm too weak, and I slump and I slump and I
Slump and I slump until finally, I faint!

[QUARTETTE]
When she rolls her eyes
Watch her take the prize
When Velma takes the stand!
When Velma takes the stand!