[HAYWOOD]
Billy put his fingers in the cookie jar
But when his mama ‘cused him, Billy lied
She said, “Billy, please fess up, son!”
But Billy said, “I took none!”
He ate what he had taken
And he ran outside
And the very next day
The very next day
Billy’s goldfish died

Holy Jehoshaphat!
What did I learn from that
Back in my dissolute youth
Why be uncool and uncouth?
You better make friends with the truth

Billy broke the windshield on his neighbor’s car
But blamed it on his cousin, Timmy Brown!
Although his neighbors spied it
Billy still denied it
Hе said, “It wasn’t be
‘Cuz I was outta town!”
And the very nеxt day
The very next day
Billy’s house burned down
Holy Jehoshaphat!
What did I learn from that
Back in my dissolute youth
Why be uncool and uncouth?
You better make friends with the truth

Billy stole a pistol from the corner store
Too see what kinda noise the thing would make
He began to jigger
With what they call the trigger
Told his teacher, “Hey, don’t worry
‘Cuz the thing’s a fake!”
Then his teacher got shot
Got shot quite a lot
Billy’s future was clinched
Cousin Billy got lynched

Outside the pearly gates
Up where St. Peter waits
Billy was questioned forsooth
“Did you steal those cookies?”
“Yes I did”
“Did you break that windshield?”
“Deed I did”
“Did you shoot that teacher?”
“‘Fraid I did”
(spoken)

Look at that! He didn’t lie!

(singing)

He fin’lly made friends with the truth!

(spoken)

Welcome to Heaven!

[ALL]
Hallelujah!

[HAYWOOD]
Billy kicked his heels and up the steps he flew!
So thrilled to see what Heaven had in store!
But when he knocked the knocker
Billy got a shocker!

(spoken)

Naw son! You know you gotta use the back door! And that’s the real truth!

[ALL]
You better make friends
Oh, you oughta make friends
Yes, you gotta make friends with the truth!