[CHAIRPERSON, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen, we now come to the moment we've all been waiting for: the presentation of this year's award to... Tess Harding!

[TESS HARDING]
Sam Craig, wherever you are
Listen, you son of a bitch
Listen to that

[CHAIRPERSON]
This gracious, well-known public figure we've admired for so long

[TESS]
Sam Craig, wherever you are
You arrogant, ill-tempered, brutish, insensitive, chauvinist son of a bitch!
Listen to that

[CHAIRPERSON]
Famous as she was in the many fields of her endeavors

[TESS]
It's my night, Sammy
All minе, Sammy
And you can't give it
Your well known whammy

[CHAIRPERSON, spoken]
The nominating committee consisting of Miss Maud Vickеrs, Miss Vi Langford, and Miss Kate Johnson, were unanimous in their choice of this year's celebrated winner!
[TESS]
The ladies are singing my praises
Led by the chairman pro tem
I'm not gonna listen to you, Sam
Why should I listen to you, Sam?
When I can listen to them?

(spoken)
Speak up, speak up, girls! Don't be shy, speak up!

(sung)
What a charge case in the atmosphere
Fifty bucks a plate for the Woman of the Year
Look alive Maude, keep the dais clear
While they all applaud for the Woman of the Year

She's charming, she's attractive, she's gifted
And younger than ya thought she was, too
She's never had a single thing lifted
She's a cunning little devil and tonight you give the devil a do!

Don't be shy, vie, when she does appear
Give a big geschrei, let her know you're here!
Let your foot step
Roar the new chant
Who's the Woman of the Year?
She's quizzed Nixon—strange man, Nixon
She's met Brezhnev—tough nut, Brezhnev
She's slept at Buckingham Palace
Saw the Scala walkout by Callas
Took tea with Gertrude and Alice
And if you knew Nehru, like she knew Nehru
Oh, oh, what a girl!

She's a hip cat, she's a pioneer
She's the pussy cat that we're here to cheer
She's a big cheese
Will you rise please?
As we honor her career in contemporary life
As a writer and a fighter and a leader and a wife

And Sam Craig
Wherever you are
Though you think I'm a sham
Take your pow and shazam
And go step it and scram
'Cause goddammit, I am
The Woman of the Year!
Listen to that!