Rudy Ray Moore
Not Too Long, Not Too Hard
(Oh sh*t)
And now ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the body

Great day in the morning an' she sho'
Know what to say, the body
You know girls I look like Atlas with no clothes on
Can you dig it?
Hoo! My, my, my, my
Woman cross your legs
Good God o'mighty
That chick sitting over there in that
Green is built like a big sh*t house
Hoo! You know I’d sho' like to get in your pants
‘Cause I done sh*t in mine
I’m not lying
You know I ask a young lady the other night in a night club
I said, “Young lady. Do you have a cherry?”
She said, “Hell yes. I got a cherry
But it’s been pushed back so damn far
you can use it for a tail light”
Yeah, in this same club, let me tell you what happened
It is a fellow went in the lady’s restroom by mistake
So he went in there and he pulled it out
He was shaking it like that
And all at once a lady come in and saw him
She said, “Ahh, ahh, ahh!"
Said "This is for ladies! This is for ladies!”
He said, “What the hell you think this is for?”
I wouldn’t lie to you baby
A friend of mine let his wife go out the other night
He said, “Baby” said “I want you to go down there and watch that Rudy Ray Moore tell all them lil ol' dirty stories"
Said "But I want you back in this house
by two o'clock in the morning”
Sho' nuff, she went out, she stayed out all night long
Daddy was sitting up with the little boy
and he didn’t ask momma no questions
When she walked through the door
He knocked her down
She started hollering, “Aww, daddy"
Said "Oh, please", said "Don’t hit me no more!”
Said “I was only out trucking daddy”
Little boy said daddy knocked momma down three mo' times
‘Cause you know damn well she can talk plainer than that
I wouldn’t lie baby.
I thought… you know, I like to talk
About things that once happened to me
In the course of a lifetime
There’s a lot things that really happened
Now, you take, um
I went to school, all the way through school
Right out the front door to the back
That’s right
We got a little girl in cla**
She could spell everything
Teacher said, “Sally Today" said "For your spelling lesson
I want you to spell Peter”
Sally said, “Teacher I can’t spell them old long
hard words like Peter, but I’ll try”
She say, “P-P-P”
Teacher said "Sit down gal
You gone stand up here and p*ss all day"
We had a little girl in the cla**, Maryann
She was the smartest baby
She said, “Teacher, teacher, teacher, I can spell it
P-E-T-E-R, Peter, Peter, Peter
They don’t come to hard and long for me baby”
I wouldn’t lie baby