EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
[Verse 1: Thomas Jefferson]
When in the course of human events
It becomes necessary for a battle to commence
Then kplow! I hit 'em with the illness of my quill
I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills
Let me run down my resume, will ya?
Set up a little place called the United States
I told King George he could eat a fat di*k
When it comes to declaration I'm the first draft pick
I'll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware
I'm so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair
I've many volumes on my shelves, it's true
But I've yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU
Looking like a skunk in a three piece suit
Didn't come back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew
First Secretary of State, VP number two
Not to mention third president, the f*ck'd you do?
[Verse 2: Frederick Douglass]
You finished? ...Okay
Straight outta bondage! A brainy mother f*cker here to diss you
Big hair, big nuts, big issues
Starting with your nickel: there's a real declaration
Heads for racist, tails for a slave plantation
You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello, Hello!
But now you're facing me, Freddy D
I'd never work for your ass, but I'll kick it for free
(Ugh!) Your stone face on Rushmore ain't nothing
Check my photos, now that's real muggin'
The face of a free man, taught himself to read, man
No compromise, you couldn't whip a 5th of me, man!
You got a self evident truth of your own
You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!
[Verse 3: Thomas Jefferson]
Oh Frederick, I've never heard a verse I dug less
Alright I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken system that I hated
But I needed to keep my financial status situated
And the words I used were "hideous blot"
To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought
And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia
When I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner
So forgive me, I was busy
Man, I had a lot to do
But we did it, you're free now
[Verse 4: Frederick Douglass]
This ain't Louisiana man
I ain't buying it
You talk about freedom, but you ain't applying sh*t!
So no, we ain't cool
You founding absentee father
You had six babies with your slave mama
And never even bothered
To free her when you died
On the 4th of July
It's a very important holiday
But what the f*ck does it mean to this guy?
Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th damn amendment was ratified
And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights
And "We, the People" stopped meaning
"We the people, who are white!"
Man, you did some good things
I ain't denying your fame
I'm just saying, they need to put an asterisk
Next to your name