I'm at the club scene where I met Miss Green Eyes
She said, "I can tell by the size of your schnoz
That you're Zach Sherwin, and I'm totally TWI!"
I said, "Oh, you're a Nas fan also? That's great!
We have so much in common!
We're clearly soulmates who were fated to date!"
She said "Hold up and wait
I'm flattered -- you're coming in too fast and hot though
You need to be more legato gelato."
I said, "What? Legato gelato?
That's a slang term whose meaning I do not know!
But I'm intrigued by the sound of it..."
She said "Well let me break it down a bit
You might know the word 'legato' if you've ever studied music before
If you see it written down on a musical score
Then the composer is directing you
To play or sing all the notes smoothly and connected to the others
With no breaks in between
Now let me demonstrate a little bit and you can see what I mean."
She sang, "Laaa, laaa, laaa: that's legato
Not, la-la-la; that's staccato
The opposite of what legato is
And don't tell me that you don't know what gelato is!"
I said, "Yes, I sure do, it's a dessert
That you gotta keep ice cold in the freezer
And now I'm no longer dazed and confused
Now I think I understand the phrase that you used
Does it mean 'keep it chill?'" She said "Yep."
I said "Thought so. Smooth and cool! Legato gelato!"
Once again, it's legato gelato!
Smooth like legato, cool like gelato!
It's my new catchphrase, it's my new buzzword, it's my new motto:
And check this out: take the word "legato."
Now take the "l" and the "g" and switch the two spots
And look what you've got. Whoa!
"Legato" TURNS INTO "gelato!"
I said "Ok, I'm taking things slow and I get the lingo
Can I give you a ring?"
"No," she said, "I don't think so
You came on too strong, I felt smothered and
I need a loverman
Who won't let me have the upper hand."
I said, "Nah, miss, you got it wrong
You're a character I made up for my 'Legato Gelato' song
You don't exist if I don't imagine you
How 'bout that for high status, boo?"
She said, "Damn! Now THAT was legato gelato!
Way to step it up with that macho bravado!
Take me home now, you wild stallion
But first do a victory lap rap as a finale, hon."
I said, "Okay, I'm smooth and glossy
And frosty as autumn in Oslo
When the temperature drops as low
As the cost of shopping at Costco
Fluid and easy and keeping it cool
Like I'm eating a soup of gazpacho
'Cause I do it legato with a scoop of gelato."