Alaska Cats by Garrison Keillor

Alaska cats don't take no crap

They don't sit in no one's lap

They don't let you brush their fur

Or have cute names like Gulliver

They mumble but they seldom purr

Alaska cats are three feet tall

They drink beer and play pinball

And you may notice when they call

They don't wash themselves at all -

Just once in the spring and once in the fall

Alaska cats are always dressed

In jeans and boots and outdoor vest

It's not stuffed with eiderdown

But hair from dogs around the town -

Some black, some brown

Once a year to hold off famine

They jump in the boats and they fish for salmon

Slap those big fish with their paws

Catch 'em, bone 'em, and then toss

'Em in a pan with catsup sauce

Alaska cats chew catnip snoose

And spit about anywhere they choose

The freest cat you ever saw

They have no owners, no leash law -

They laugh at pet cats

Ha, Ha - Ha, Ha - Ha, Ha

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