[Spoken]
Randy:
We're back, Mister President
I want to thank you for respecting recommended CDC guidelines and wearing a mask
Oh! That's just your face

Um, let's discuss the unfortunate matter at hand
The global crisis that is devastating countless American lives
Wreaking economic havoc
The reason that we have all been forced to take shelter in our homes

Obamagate. Uh, what is that?

Trump:
It was the greatest political crime in the history of our country-

Randy:
Some of your harshest critics say that these attacks on the former President and your recent Twitter tantrums are meant to distract from your failed coronavirus response

Trump:
We're of the assumption that by the end of the year
We're gonna have a vaccine-

Randy:
Ooh could you hold off on that just a little longer
It's gonna take me a while to lose all the quarantine weight. [?]
Trump:
Look, the li- the less successful we are in opening
The better they are probably
Maybe for an election
But I'm letting people know, in many cases they're doing just-

Randy [underneath the Fiddler on the Roof intro]:
A global pandemic
Sounds like some fictional Steven Soderbergh bull**** from 2011 right?
Believe it or not, it's a real thing
People are suffering, millions are out of work
The economy has evaporated and worst of all
I haven't had a haircut in more than two months

So how does an unprepared reality TV host pretending to be the president deal with such an unprecedented crisis?
I can tell you in one word

Trump:
This was all Obama

[Sung]
Randy:
Distraction, distraction

Trump:
I think this was all Biden
Randy:
Distraction
Distraction, distraction

Trump:
And we caught them

Randy:
Distraction
Lie-lie-lie-lie (fib)
Lie-lie-lie-lie (fib)
How he tries to occupy your mind

To perplex you
He deflects to
Any shiny object he can find

Trump:
They wanted Hillary Clinton to win!

Randy:
So many people fighting for their lives
Or scared to lose their jobs and stuck inside their houses
Thousands of people dying on your watch
And who is it you're thinking of
Trump:
Obama!

Randy:
Obama, Obama

Trump:
That's the enemy of the people

Randy:
Distraction
Obama, Obama

Trump:
It is a disgrace

Randy:
Distraction

Trump:
We've done more testing than all of the countries in the world

Randy:
"Anyone who wants can get a test," he shouts
A proper test
A perfect test
Where the hell are all these perfect tests he touts
There's only one thing on his freakin' mind

Trump:
Sleepy Joe Biden

Randy:
Election, election

Trump:
I'm getting really good poll numbers

Randy:
Distraction
Deception, deception

Trump:
Over 10 million tests!

Randy:
Inaction

Trump:
They've never gotten over losing to me

Randy:
We hoped that you might lead us with
Some dignity and tact (HAHAHAHAHA)
We thought you'd somehow grow from this
But gurrrrl
You're petty

Confusion, digression, delusion, obsession

Trump:
Make America great again, right?

Randy:
Recession
Inaction, election, infection, distraction

Trump:
Nancy Pelosi's a disaster

Randy:
Distraction

Trump:
Obamagate!
Hydroxychloroquine
That's a question you should ask China!

Randy:
He tries his best to baffle us
He stupefies and stalls
How long till he just starts posting
Pictures of his balls

Trump:
BOOM

Randy:
Disgusting, disgusting

Trump:
Everybody disagreed when I did that

Randy:
Disgusting

Kayleigh McEnany:
Look, there were a number of questions raised by the actions of the Obama administration

Randy:
Distraction

Trump:
This was all Obama

Randy: [sings all the previous verses together simultaneously]

Obama, election, inaction, deception
Distraction!
Distraction, distraction

Trump:
It is a disgrace what's happened

Randy:
Distraction

Trump:
Obamagate

[Randy sighs]
Oy...