[Mr. MacAfee]
Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!
While we're on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee]
Kids!

[Mr. MacAfee, spoken]
I don't mind the moonlight swims, it's the loop-the-loops that hurts!

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee, sung]
Kids!
[Mr. MacAfee, spoken]
How will we ever beat the Russians?

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee, sung]
Kids!

[Mr. MacAfee, spoken]
I didn't know what puberty was until I was almost past it!

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee, sung]
Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
And while we're on the subject:
Kids! They are just impossible to control!
Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
Why can't they dance like we did?

[Mr. MacAfee]
What's wrong with Sammy Kaye?

[Mr. and Mrs. MacAfee]
What's the matter with kids today?