*Instrumental of "Camptown Races"*

[Uncle Spike Jones]
Luther?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
[unknown]

[Uncle Spike Jones]
What are you looking so sad for?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Well, Uncle Spike, you're so mean to me, how do you expect me to look?

[Uncle Spike Jones]
How can you say I’m mean to you? You know there ain't a word of truth in that! Why, I wouldn't hurt a fly! Why, even the dogs lick my hands when I walk down the street!

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Well, if you’d wash your hands after you eat, that wouldn't happen!

*Instrumental of "Camptown Races"*

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Uncle Spike, did I tell you about going reindeer hunting?

[Uncle Spike Jones]
No, how'd you make out?
[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Well, the first day, I seen one deer and shot two dogs

[Uncle Spike Jones]
That's a good start! What happened the next day?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
I seen two deer and shot four dogs

[Uncle Spike Jones]
Terrific! What happened the last day?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
I took out a deer and hunted for dogs

*Instrumental of "Camptown Races"*

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Uncle Spike, did I tell you about the bad accident I had today?

[Uncle Spike Jones]
No, what happened?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Well sir, I was in a great big hassle to get down here at the studio, and a feller stepped out in front of me, and I run over him before I could stop
[Uncle Spike Jones]
Well, what'd you do then?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
I turned around and hollered, "Hey, you, look out!"

[Uncle Spike Jones]
Well, what'd the feller do?

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
He raised up and said, "What's the matter, are you coming back?!"

*Instrumental of "Camptown Races"*

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Uncle Spike, did you hear about my aunt been awful sick?

[Uncle Spike Jones]
No, Luther, she's not really sick: it’s all in her mind! She just thinks she’s sick!

[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Well, she had a nervous breakdown!

[Uncle Spike Jones]
No, Luther: it's all in her mind! She just thinks she had a nervous breakdown!
[Cousin Luther Roundtree]
Yeah? Well, anyhow, she thinks she’s dead now

*Instrumental of "Camptown Races"*