Edna St. Vincent Millay
Isabella James (9th Symphony) or; Bookends (Part 2)
Part One
[Spoken: Daisy Adders]
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of the birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die!
Part Two
[Spoken: Isabella James]
I have deconstructed myself to the point that I am no longer human
I am but I a series of metaphors vaguely linked by the idea of femininity
I am a disgusting performative version of what I wish I was
I am just an idea in your head
This is my dying drеam
This is, this is my dying dream
And I am lying there on my dеathbed
This is what I'll be thinking
I mean, like, I will be soon enough anyway
Statistically speaking, in, like, two or three months I’ll be homeless or I'll have killed myself
I'll be dead, but it’s OK
Part Three
[Spoken: Noah Gnarwood]
What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before
I cannot say what loves have come and gone
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more
Part Four
[Intro: Isabella James]
I used to feel comfortable when I slept
But I don't anymore
I keep on having nightmares
As cheesy as that sounds
I'm always in a forest
And I'm being held in the arms of a woman, a ginger woman
I don't know why but I always start running
The trees become a maze they tangle themselves together and block my path
Suddenly the trees are bricks and suddenly the bricks are mirrors
I have no choice but to look at myself
Be surrounded by myself
And then I wake up
I wake up into a body I hate
Feeling things I don't want to feel
But not emotional things physical things
Sometimes I don't know if I can feel emotions anymore
But when I do they're so overwhelming
Dysphoria, unrequited love, sadness
It’s those three on a sequel
I don’t even have the nerves to kill myself
[Verse: Isabella James]
I can see her underneath myself
I can see her crawling in my skin
I just want a take a knife and carve her out
The secret girl within
[Outro: Isabella James]
I detest myself with a writhing angst
The kind of motion in a mass grave
I hate the way I consumed this role
The role of a war not of play
I feed myself on lies you tell me
Cause you don't want the truth
I didn’t fucking ask to be born
Into a say I couldn't sooth
Yet here I am alone again
Here I am dependent again
Here I am a man again
A woman never to you?