Oh, I'm so honored to be here to celebrate Willie's eighty-fifth birthday
One of my favorite humans in the world
So nice to be here with you guys
Willie said one time that a good song is nothin' but three chords and the truth
I don't know if he made that up, but I heard him say it
And this next song right here, it's got three chords in it
And it's a true story about one night that I got to hang out with Willie
It all started when the show was over and we were in a big line
Everybody had their arms around each other
We wеre gettin' ready to takе a bow
And everybody else was sayin' things like
"Hey, that was a great show, man" and, you know
"Beautiful crowd tonight" and, you know, it's
"Best ever," all that kind of stuff
And then Willie's right next to me and he leans over and he says
"Hey, wanna go to my house and play some poker?"
And I, I said, "Hell yeah, sounds amazing"
So this is a song I wrote, it's called "Willie Got Me Stoned and Took All My Money," here you go

Willie got me stoned and took all my money
I was fifty dollars up, but then my mind went funny
It didn't really help that I didn't know the rules of the game
And it probably didn't help that I couldn't remember my name

After Willie got me stoned and took all my cash
One high-low split, but then he kicked my ass
He gave me knuckles across the table, but then my mind went blurry
And just like a puff of smoke, all my cash went up in a hurry
After Willie got me stoned, took me for everything I had
I had to walk home, I had no money for a cab
I didn't have the heart to ask anybody for a ride
And nobody in the room seemed any condition to drive

After Willie got us stoned, he took away my mind
He sent me back to the kiddie table, he took away my pride
And now I'm sittin' here with my band again, just feelin' like a joker
Just thinkin' about how bad I really suck at playin' poker
And thinkin' about my pockets, was Willie the one who broke them?
And would I really take a toke if they rolled Willie up and they smoked him?
Hell yes, I would, and I know it might sound funny
But Willie got me stoned and took all of my

Willie got me stoned and took all my money
Willie got me stoned and took all my money
Hell yes, I would, and I know it might sound funny
But Willie got me stoned and took all
Sing along with me, of my

Willie got me stoned and took all my money
Willie got me stoned and took all my money
Hell yes, I would, and I know it might sound funny
But Willie got me stoned and took all of my money

Right on, have a great night, you guys
Nice to be here with you, thank you