My basement, uh
Gonna show you my beautiful basement
Where the concrete floor feels cool to the touch
I'll turn up the heat if it's too much
I'll turn on the light bulb on the wire
Turn on the dehumidifier
I'm serious when I flick this next switch
Look you in the eye, and I say "check this"

Jaws, the shark, a-lurking in the dark
Of the depths of the sea, one day on a lark
Decides to get rowdy, get real violent
Takes a vay-cay out to Amity Island
Sunshine, lotion, fun in the sun
Blood in thе ocean, everybody run!
'Causе it's crazy how few fucks this shark gives
He'll eat naked ladies! He'll eat little kids!
Oh no!

My trains, uh
My trains, uh
I got small ones, tiny little trains
I come down here just to get away
My trains, ah
My trains, ah
It's like magic, magic trains
I wish these trains could take me away
But the one thing keeping the community safe
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
Is a guy named Brody and his pal Richard Dreyfuss
Jaws don't know that a storm's gonna come
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
He just wants everyone to be his chum!
(Get it? Get it?)
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
The mayor don't care if the townsfolk die
He doesn't wanna spoil the fourth of July
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
He's like, "Everyone cool it, and go for a swim!"

(But holy shit, here comes that fin)
In the club, the Model Railroad Club
(Singin' Jaws is here)
A motherfucker said shit about my trains
Might as well have took a shit on my brain
'Cause I went insane
I laid track on his ass with a styrofoam bat
But the president never did let me back after that
Shit, I said, "Fuck you
Who the fuck needs a punk ass choo-choo crew anywho?"

Long story short, the beach gets closed
The mayor's like, "Okay, yeah, this blows"
Suddenly Jaws has got a price on his head
But the wrong little shark baby ends up dead
My trains, uh
My trains, uh
I got small ones, tiny little trains
I come down here just to get away
My trains, uh
M-m-m-m-my trains, uh
It's like magic, magic trains
I wish these trains could take me awa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

It was Jaws' little brother, now he's pissed!
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
The mayor just shot to the top of his list
He sneaks in his house in the middle of the night
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
And he eats that fucker in a single bite!
Golly

I lie here every night
I feel like if I focus
And think of getting smaller
I'll gradually get smaller
And if I get small enough
My trains will seem much bigger
And I'll be the conductor
The tiniest conductor
OH!
Then whatchu gonna do?
Then whatchu gonna do?
Whatchu gonna do then, huh?
Whatchu gonna do?
Whatchu gonna do?
Whatchu gonna do when I'm fucking small
Like one inch tall
You won't see me coming at all
When I crawl into your ear late at night
Yeah, you heard me right motherfucker, sleep tight
And you think I'm just another bad dream
But I'm a tiny little man in your bloodstream
Little hands hold an artery shut
Yeah, that's right motherfucker, then what?

Now the mayor's dead, so Brody's in charge
He knows the real killer is still at large
So he and the Dreyfuss make a decision
They're going on a mission, they're gonna go fishin'
A man named Quint lets them use his boat
On the condition that he be the one to cut Jaws' throat
'Cause he was a sailor back in World War II
And Jaws ate his entire crew, woah!
(My trains)

Jaws is here!
Here is Jaws!
(He is a shark without a cause)
He was in a movie, a movie called Jaws!
(My trains)
Jaws is here! (Ah-ah-ah)
Here is Jaws! (Oo-uh-oh)
(He is a shark who fights the law)
He was in a movie that everyone saw

My trains, uh
(They're out on the sea, they wait all night)
My trains, uh
(Where could Jaws be? He's nowhere in sight)
I got small ones. Tiny little trains
(Dreyfuss decides to go down in a cage)
I come down here just to get away
(And Jaws shows up in a full-on rage!)
My trains, uh
(He tears up the cage like paper in a shredder)
My trains, uh
(While Dreyfuss makes his wet suit wetter)
They're like magic. Magic trains
(He hides behind a rock like a cowardly prick)
I wish these trains could take me away
(And he doesn't come back until the end of the flick)

Brody's like, "We're gonna need a bigger boat,"
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
So they go back home and get a bigger boat
(My trains)
The biggest boat that's ever sailed
(Chugga chugga woo-woo)
Gonna kick Jaws' ass, or I guess, his tail
(My trains)
Yeah, his tail
But oh my shit!