[DIANA, spoken]
...So excited because I'm gonna go to the High School of Performing Arts. I mean, I was dying to be a serious actress. Anyway, it's the first day of acting class and we're in the auditorium and the teacher, Mr. Karp—oh, Mr. Karp. Anyway, he puts us up on the stage with our legs around each other, one in back of the other, and he says: "Okay, we're gonna do improvisations... Now, you're on a bobsled, it's snowing out and it's cold... Okay, go!"

(sung)
Every day for a week we would try to feel the motion
Feel the motion
Down the hill
Every day for a week we would try to hear the wind rush
Hear the wind rush
Feel the chill
And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see what I had inside
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried, I tried!

(spoken)
And everybody's going, "Woosh... woosh... I feel the snow, I feel the cold, I feel the air..." And Karp turns to me and he says: "Okay, Morales, what did you feel?"

And I said... "Nothing
I'm feeling nothing"
And he says "'Nothing' could get a girl transferred"
They all felt something
But I felt nothing
Except the feeling that this bullshit was absurd!

(spoken)
But I said to myself, "Hey, it's only the first week. Maybe it's genetic; they don't have bobsleds in San Juan!"
(sung)
Second week, more advanced, and we had to be a table
Be a sports car
Ice-cream cone
Mr. Karp, he would say, "Very good, except Morales
Try, Morales
All alone"

So I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see how an ice cream felt...
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried to melt!

The kids yelled, "Nothing!"
They called me "Nothing"
And Karp allowed it, which really makes me burn
They were so helpful
They called me "Hopeless"
Until I really didn't know where else to turn

(spoken)
And Karp kept saying, "Morales, I think you should transfer to Girl's High. You'll never be an actress, Never!" Jesus Christ!

(sung)
Went to church, praying, Santa Maria
Send me guidance
Send me guidance
On my knees
Went to church praying, Santa Maria
Help me feel it
Help me feel it
Pretty please
And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul
Came up to the top of my head
And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul
Here is what it said:

This man is nothing!
This course is nothing!
If you want something go find a better class
And when you find one
You'll be an actress
And I assure you that's what finally came to pass

Six months later I heard that Karp had died
And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And cried...
'Cause I felt nothing

(spoken)
I mean, I didn't want him to die or anything but...

[DON, spoken]
The summer I turned fifteen, I lied about my age so I could join AGVA. You know—

(sung)
The night club union
'Cause I could make sixty dollars a week
Working these strip joints
Outside of Kansas City
I worked this one club for about eight weeks straight
And I really became friendly with this stripper
(spoken)
Her name was Lola Latores, oh, and her dynamic, twin forty-fours. Well, she really took to me. I mean, we did share the only dressing room, and she did a lot of dressing...

(sung)
Anyway, she used to come and pick me up
And drive me to work nights
Well, the neighbors would all be hanging outside their windows
And she'd drive up in her big pink Cadillac convertible
And smile

(spoken)
And I'd come tripping out of my house with my little tuxedo on and my tap shoes in my hand and we'd just take off down the block with her long, flaming red hair just blowing in the wind. 

[ALL]
Goodby twelve
Goodbye thirteen
Hello love

[MAGGIE]
Why do I pay for all those lessons?
Dance for grandma! Dance for grandma!

[BEBE]
My God, that Steve McQueen's real sexy
Bob Goulet out
Steve McQueen in!

[CASSIE]
You cannot go to the movies
Until you finish your homework

[AL]
Wash the car

[MIKE]
Stop pickin' your nose

[MAGGIE]
Oh darling, you're not old enough to wear a bra
You've got nothing to hold it up

[MARK]
Locked in the bathroom with Peyton Place

[VAL]
Tits! When am I gonna grow tits?

[BOBBY]
If Troy Donahue could be a movie star
Then I could be a movie star

[DON, spoken]
Well, when the guys on the block saw Lola, they all wanted to know what the story was. So I told them about this big, hot, heavy romance we were having, but actually she was going with this—

[JUDY]
Little brat!
That's what my sister was!
A little brat
And that's why I shaved her head
I'm glad I shaved her head
But then my father lost his job
So we had to leave El Paso
And we wound up in St. Louis, Missouri
Well, it was the furthest thing from my mind to be a dancer
But my mother would embarrass me
So when she'd come to pick me up at school
With all those great, big, yellow rollers in her hair
No matter how much I begged her and she'd say:
"What, are you ashamed of your own mother?"
But the thing that made my daddy laugh so much
Was when I used to jump and dance around the living room...