[Intro]
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen

[Verse 1: Heath McNease]
I was snackin' on some Christmas goodies
You know, eggnog, figgy pudding
Store-bought, expensive cookies
Then my mama said, "Listen, buddy,"
"I dunno how to tell you this
But you're old enough to hear it
The reason for your elvishness
Is the man who caused all the Christmas spirit."
Said, "Santa's your biological father,"
"Don't believe me, ask Vixen, Comet and Donner
Where'd you think you got your mystical powers from?
You Saint Nicholas' magic son!
It's too cold in the North Pole so I told him 'Leave and
I'll hold it down here where it don't snow.'
But we still talk every day
He's the reason in the eighth grade I let you get cornrows
So if you see Santa Claus and your mom
Underneath the tannenbaum
It ain't your stepdad at all
But they real good friends now
Your stepdad met him on your Spring Break in Panama."
Swing and a miss, Kringle to Kris
The King of Christmas Eve needs to get lit
When he get a kiss
Check the most recent of lists, to find yourself been bad
But on Christmas you still get the greasiest gifts
Thanks, dad

[Hook]
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are

[Bridge: Heath McNease]
Ring, ring, ring go them sleigh bells
I'm Santa's kid if you can't tell
Misfit toys from a cartoon
Son of an undead saint, man it's all true

[Verse 2: HeirJordan]
When I walk it sound like sleigh bells
Had a full-grown beard at age 12
Got a full security detail
Made of 2 reindeers and 8 elves
Best invite me to your party that's right
I tell my dad if you're naughty or nice
I live with my dad and he live in the Arctic so
Why do you think that I got all this ice?
That sleigh be Mercedes, that suit be so Gucci
That belt be Givenchy, that gift sack, that's Louis
I spend two weeks with my mom
Then spend the weekend with him
Spent Christmas Eve with her new husband John
Then I do Christmas again (two times!)
Santa's a boss, no matter the cost
So child support, that's super-sized
He see when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake
So every visit is supervised!
Been here for years, but he stays the same
Big, fat belly and a famous name
Christmas gifts, he can make it rain
But I still wish he'd come to my baseball games
[Hook]
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are

[Bridge: Heath McNease]
Ring, ring, ring go them sleigh bells
I'm Santa's kid if you can't tell
Misfit toys from a cartoon
Son of an undead saint, man it's all true

[Verse 3: Isaac Knox]
If you didn't know how Christmas goes, give a gift a bow
Kiss below the mistletoe, Mariah's singing whistle notes
Grinch is on video cassette, the original
Life is different though when your dad's Mr. Triple Ho (ho ho ho)
I don't make it rain, I let it snow!
If i make it rain, dear, then you better be my vixen so
What you have to say?
I got the keys to my daddy's sleigh
You ain't half my age, I've been at every Christmas
My family's life is for centuries
Eight years old, dad gave me coal (what happened?)
And they're diamonds already
I got a job with this and the pay is an excellent price
I am in charge of the naughty list
So that means every check I get twice
My father is Santa. He got some broads in Atlanta
King King is my grampa. All of his broads are in Tampa
His pops is Charmander. His only broad's in Uganda
Their daughter is Sandra Bullock so I guess I'll call her my nana (whoo)
[Hook]
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are the father
Santa, you are, you are
Santa, you are the father

[Outro]
We all got Christmas moms
None of 'em Mrs. Claus