[Hook: all]
Come get your tickets to the gun show
Lotta love, lotta lights, lotta gun smoke
Don't run from the guns, though
Why watch 'em in the back
When you can feel 'em in the front row?
And welcome to the spandex fest
Where no matter the question, the answer's "yes"
No denying this man is fresh
The guns go "bang" and the crowd goes deaf

[Interlude: Heath McNease]
Hey, hey Playdough...yeah, I'm gonna be reading my Bible in the tanning booth, so if I miss a call, just tell them I'll hit 'em back, okay? Respect

[Verse 1: Heath McNease]
(Oh)
Who wanna see daddy deadlift a pick up truck
With no hiccup, just a thick, ripped up bust
A fist rigged to crush the big bricks to dust
And victims to mush, a bit ridiculous
Ladies get weak when they see
Me on a steed in the breeze so free
Testosterone factory
The leather pants are better
When they're tight enough to hear the pelvis shattering
I know you like the goods (oh)
I don't know why you wouldn't (hey)
'Cause I've been chopping wood
But don't know where to put it
I'm a lumberjack crossed with a Thunder Cat
Swords of omens and light
Fight the gun clap
[Hook]
Come get your tickets to the gun show
Lotta love, lotta lights, lotta gun smoke
Don't run from the guns, though
Why watch 'em in the back
When you can feel 'em in the front row?
And welcome to the spandex fest
Where no matter the question, the answer's "yes"
No denying this man is fresh
The guns go "bang" and the crowd goes deaf

[Interlude 2: Playdough]
Yo, Heath! I finally did it, dude! When I take my shirt off now, all the ladies are like, "Is that Playdough? Ayyyyy."

[Verse 2: Playdough]
Looked your name up in the phone book
Nothing new, front pew, check it oh, look
It was thick and tricky, still lift it
And in the name of the Lord, I tore it and ripped it
A gospel gangsta speedo, swolled-up libido
Crossed with T-Bone and Debo
A Power Team jumpsuit
Check it out one-two
Saturday Night Live, we will pump you up
With a six pack, gift wrap your hate-orade
Washboard belly, Captain Crunch the day-to-day
TX-in', flexin', oiled up
Get the BandAids out cause ya boy's cut
[Hook]
Come get your tickets to the gun show
Lotta love, lotta lights, lotta gun smoke
Don't run from the guns, though
Why watch 'em in the back
When you can feel 'em in the front row?
And welcome to the spandex fest
Where no matter the question, the answer's "yes"
No denying this man is fresh
The guns go "bang" and the crowd goes deaf

[Outro: Playdough, Heath respectively]
Playdough: I got lotion and I got soul
Heath: Ultraviolet remote control
Playdough: Carbohydrates just say no
Heath: And yes to the bovine growth hormones
Playdough: Man, I'll pull a charter bus with my teeth
Heath: I will massage you after that feat
Playdough: I'll bench press...I'm not too comfortable with you rubbing my shoulders, bro...
Heath: Don't say that bro. Let's do this
Playdough: No dude...it makes me feel like a weirdo
Heath: I don't care, dude! I don't care! It's the 21st century. You should be a professional, give these people what they paid for!
Playdough: Oh, bust it!

[Hook]
Come get your tickets to the gun show
Lotta love, lotta lights, lotta gun smoke
Don't run from the guns, though
Why watch 'em in the back when you can feel 'em in the front row?
And welcome to the spandex fest
Where no matter the question, the answer's "yes"
No denying this man is fresh
The guns go "bang" and the crowd goes deaf