[Intro]
> Roy: Why don't you get on that?
> Jim: She's not really my type
> Kevin: Well, what is your type?
> Jim: Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms, single moms, NASCAR moms…any type of mom, really
> Roy: That's disgusting
> Kevin: Stay away from my mom

[Verse 1: Heath McNease]
Ginko and roses
She old as Moses
And notice most of my yoga poses
Most women like it, chauvinists fight it
[?] the Stone Temple Pilot
[?] dog down cowabunga
Got her wondering, "If only I were younger"
[?] the stone-cold stunner
Warrior pose to summon the Boy Wonder
I'm like, "Na-na-namaste"
She like, "Ca-ca-can I stay?"
I'm like, "Breathe from your core"
She like, "Teach me some more"
Yeah, skills and frolics
Feels so real [?]
[?] never feel demolished
[?] drill seargent skills are polished
'bout to give a back-room lesson
Sun salute to that half-moon crescent
Wax and wane 'til that tattoo stretches
Hoover in the room, but no vacuum present
[Hook]
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag

[Verse 2: Playdough]
She said that her neck hurt
And she wanted me to stretch her
Said she want a real tight body
A real high hottie, you should try pilates
By the way, did I say nice meeting you?
I'm your instructor, lemme take a peek at you
Turn around girl (there it is) peek a boo
You need to live in them balls -- Pikachu
Clinch your butt and since your stomach in
You still got it girlfriend, if you wondering
Turn the heat up high, let the fun begin
Work it and suck it in, circle circumference
She said she had a ton of kids
Problem area? Where the stomach is
Underneath her fat roll where the muscle is
Lookin' up, asking God where the justice is
We gon' work it out [?] spine
Hear that crackle? Was that yours or mine?
Jack, Jill, Jonah Hill she was Superbad
You know the daggone deal
Cougar swag (Ah ah)
[Hook]
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag

[Verse 3: Both]

[Heath McNease]
I'm just sippin' on the camomile
Can't figure how to hold the camera still
She got Danson frame, Joe Camel's grill
And breath like Fantana's Panther spilled

[Playdough]
Man, I called her my tigerlily daffodil
She got a lifetime supply morning after pill
Cause after all last night got way too dizzy
You're mom's so old (How old is she!)

[Heath McNease]
She 'bout ten plus forty
Calls me babe but she looks like Gordy
See what those fake implants and skin tans will enhance
Look at that go cart shorty
She enjoys a cold hard 40
OE cause she OG naughty
Super tan in the backyard party
It's somebody mommy tryna put something on me (haha)
[Hook]
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag

[Verse 4: Both]
[Playdough]
She said her son need a newer dad
Her computer ad said "Cougar Swag"

[Heath McNease]
She tried to put me in a Lex Lugor wrap
Stronger than an ox, got cougar swag

[Playdough]
Had a Facebook photo, and you were tagged
Caption said "#cougarswag"

[Heath McNease]
Role play in a Storm Trooper hat
Disturbance in the force, got cougar swag

[Hook]
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag
Cougar swag, cougar swag
Cougar swag, hashtag cougarswag

[Outro]
> Kevin: Stay away from my mom
> Jim: Too late, Kev