[Intro]
When I came to Europe last was a few years ago
And I recognized fairly soon that
People here didn't like us very much
I'm speaking as a country, as I, as I often do
And, uh, I understood it
But I wanted to do something, uh, to try and explain it
So I wrote this song

[Chorus]
I'd like to say a few words
In defense of our country
Whose people aren't bad
Nor are they mean
Now the leaders we have
While they're the worst that we've had
Are hardly the worst
This poor world has seen
Let's turn history's pages, shall we?

[Verse 1]
Take the Caesars for example
Why, within the first few of them
They were sleeping with their sisters
Stashing little boys in swimming pools
And burning down the city
And one of 'em
One of 'em appointed his own horse to be Consul of the Empire
That's like vice president or something
Wait a minute, that's not a very good example, is it?
But here's one: The Spanish Inquisition
That's a good one
Put people in a terrible position
I don't even like to think about it
Well, sometimes I like to think about it
[Chorus]
Just a few words
In defense of our country
Whose time at the top
Could be coming to an end
Now we don't want your love
Respect at this point is pretty much out of the question
But times like these, uh
We sure could use a friend

[Verse 2]
Hitler
Stalin
Men who need no introduction
King Leopold of Belgium, that's right
Everyone thinks he's so great
Well, he owned the Congo, he tore it up too
Took the diamonds, he took the silver, he took the gold
Know what he left 'em with?
Malaria

[Bridge]
A president once said
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
Now, we're supposed to be afraid
It's patriotic, in fact, and color-coded
What are we supposed to be afraid of?
Why, of being afraid
That's what terror means, doesn't it?
That's what it used to mean
[Verse 3]
You know it pisses me off a little this Supreme Court is going to outlive me
Couple young Italian fellows and a brother on the Court now, too
But I defy you to find me anywhere in the world
Two Italians as tight-assed as the two Italians we got
And as for the brother, well
Pluto's not a planet anymore either

[Outro]
The end of an empire is messy at best
This empire is ending like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We're adrift in the land of the brave and the home of the free
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Thank you very much, thank you
Thank you very much
You've been, you've been very kind
It's always an honor
I'm always cognizant of the honor it is to play with an orchestra
That I'm, I know I'm working with people
Who've spent twelve, fourteen years alone in a room
Getting good at what they do, much like snipers
But, but, uh, that's the truth
It's the only true thing I'll say tonight
Is that I'm honored to be working with this orchestra, and thank you