I don't want to be your friend anymore
You've got fifty friends knocking at your door
Life is short so please understand
I'm fully qualified to be your man

You know zoology is up my street
And your anatomy is far from discreet
I'm good and ready for my entrance exam
I'm fully qualified to be your man

I've been studying your every need
I've got statistics that'll make you plead
I'll put my thesis right in your hand
I'm fully qualified to be your man

Maroon room, perfumes of Araby
Sineads in braids in shades of Carnaby

Now there's diplomas you can get in the mail
And there's diplomas you can get in jail
But I'm a genius at being your fan
I'm fully qualified to be your man

Crystal balls and shawls and lava lamps
I'm a counter culture vulture
Don't put the damps on me
Now you're my favorite subject or two
I've been really boning up on you
Let me know when it's safe to land
I'm fully qualified to be your man