Out of wedlock is my son
Two bastards now instead of one
What can publicly be done?
To rectify my honor

Oh, a wedding
That'll see me through
I'll hitch to father number two
Rent me Scotland, that'll do
Just say it's for Madonna

Get me a castle, nice and old
Lots of armor, lots of mold
We'll get headlines, nice and bold
Or my careers a goner

Tartan for the bride and groom
A few close friends
There ain't much room
Stings place for the honeymoon
If we can stand the squalor

Oh, lets do that Scotland thing
Whiskey and a highland fling
Limo waiting in the wing
To whisk you where you wanna
(Have you got the rhyme scheme on this one?)
And baby Rocco needs a dip
In holy water ain't it sick
Get me a cathedral quick
Just say it's for Madonna

And the locals think it's some big deal
They're flattered by that showbiz spiel
They thought Braveheart was for real
Upon my word of honor

And we'll get Hello magazine
To photograph the happy scene
We'll make those other divas green
With envy of Madonna

'Cause you see my dears
It's down to class
What good's talent, tits and ass?
If your lifestyle's deeply crass
Like those would be Madonnas