[Verse 1: TED]
I shouldn't have come
Oh, I shouldn't have come
This thing's a mistake
An awful mistake
That guy's such a snob
And who is that hick?
Can these be the guys I once thought
I could never live without?

[DOUG, spoken]
Who do you think will win the world series?

[TED, spoken]
Well, uh, both teams look pretty good to me

[ANGIE, spoken]
Yeah

[DOUG, spoken]
Yeah

[ANGIE, spoken]
Well, may the best team win

[Verse 2: ANGIE]
This thing is a frost
I'd like to get lost
Old pals are the bunk
This guy's a cheap punk
And that one's a heel
And I'm a Schlemiel
Can these be the guys I once thought
I could never live without?
[Verse 3: DOUG]
This thing's a bad dream
Why can't I just scream?
Oh, why did I fly
To New York from Chi?
To drink scotch at noon
With a hick and a goon?
Can these be the guys I once thought
I could never live without?

[Verse 4]
[ANGIE]
This guy is a punk, a punk, a punk

[TED]
This guy is a snob, a snob, a snob

[DOUG]
This guy is a dope, a hick, a square

[ANGIE]
I shoudn't have come, I'm in despair

[TED, DOUG]
Our dreams are dustin' down the drain
[ANGIE, DOUG]
This thing is a bust, and I'm insane

[TED]
Oh, why did I come?

[ANGIE, DOUG]
Oh, why am I here?

[DOUG]
A hick, a square, a snob, a punk

[ANGIE]
A hick, a square, a snob, a punk

[ALL] Hah-hah-hah-hah, ho-ho-ho-ho
A hick, a square, a snob, a punk
A hick, a square, a snob, a punk
Why did I come?
Why am I here?
Why?