[Verse 1]
A well known Bognor restaurant owner
Disappeared early this morning
Last seen in a mouse brown overcoat
Suitably camouflaged, they saw him catch a train
(Choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo)

[Pre-Chorus]
Father of three, it’s disgusting
Such a horrible thing to do"
Harold the Barrel cut off his toes
And he served them all for tea

[Chorus]
"He can't go far"
"He can't go far "
"Hasn't got a leg to stand on"
"He can't go far"

[Verse 2]
I'm standing in a doorway
On the main square, tension is mounting
There's a restless crowd of angry people
"More than we've ever seen
Had to tighten up security"
(Run, run, run, run)
[Pre-Chorus]
Over to the scene at the town hall
The Lord Mayor's ready to speak
"Man of suspicion, you can't last long
The British public is on our side"

[Chorus]
"You can't last long"
"You can't last long"
"Said you couldn't trust him
His brother was just the same"
"You can't last long"

[Bridge]
If I was many miles from here
I'd be sailing in an open boat on the sea
Instead I'm on this window ledge
With the whole world below
Up at the window
Look at the window
"We can help you"
"We can help you"
"We're all your friends
If you come on down and talk to us son"
You must be joking
Take a running jump
[Verse 3]
The crowd was getting stronger (Was getting)
And our Harold getting weaker (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
Forwards, backwards, swaying side to side (Swaying in the doorway)
Fearing the very worst
They called his mother to the site
(Run, run, run, run)

[Pre-Chorus]
Up on the ledge beside him
His mother made a last request
"Come off the ledge, if your father were alive
He'd be very, very, very upset"

[Chorus]
"You just can't jump, you just can't jump"
"Your shirt's all dirty
And there's a man here from the BBC"
"You just can't jump"

[Outro]
"We can help you"
"We can help you"
"We're all your friends
If you come on down and talk to us Harry"
You must be joking
Take a running jump