I don't want to go to dinner with Margo and Harold
I don't like the way he looks at you, and the way she looks at me
Way they look at each other, like we're just part of some private joke

I don't want to go dinner with Margo and Harold
No matter how good the food
I don't want to make small talk, innuendo
Or go for a ride in Harold's Corvette

I'm scared of the basement of Harold's Pawn Shop
I've heard tales of what goes down there
Mid-life crises, high on Dilauded, Valium, and crystal meth
Harold and Margo, feeling no pain
Fifty and crazy, big hair and cocaine

If they call on the phone, tell them I'm not home
That night with Margo was a long time ago
It makes me nervous how much Harold knows
And the way that he looks at you

I don't want to see why Harold's now skinny
I don't want to see Margo's bikini
So if they call, tell them you ain't seen me or that I'm in too much pain
Harold and Margo, taking aim
Horny and loaded, big-hair and cocaine