[Verse 1]
Ooh, it's a lonely night in my cold coffin, oh so tight
Anime pillows decorate these inner walls
As I'm rattling around in these dark halls
I search the internet for some clues
I throw up when I see naked women, I'm so confused
This isn't what sex could be
Vaginas and butts are for poo-poo and pee-pee

[Chorus]
Ooh, baby, it's a lonely night
Here in my coffin, oh so tight
I've got no dick, but I love to bone
On this night, I'm all but alone
Ooh, baby, it's a lonely night
My cheap pillow waifu feels so right
I've got no dick, but I love to bone
On this night, I'm all but alone

[Verse 2]
A dark night of melancholia
I open up a book filled with genitalia
Oh my god, page after page of naked dudes?
Why is the hair on his penis called pubes?
I call a doctor to ask if this is true
He answers with anger, "Who the hell are you?"
I slam down the telephone and then I scream
Why would the penis cough up nasty white cream?
[Chorus]
Ooh, baby, it's a lonely night
Here in my coffin, oh so tight
I've got no dick, but I love to bone
On this night, I'm all but alone
Ooh, baby, it's a lonely night
My cheap pillow waifu feels so right
Sunglasses at night with my saxophone
I'm tellin' ya, baby, I just love to bone, yeah

[Verse 3]
The thought of an organ makes me sick
To the point that I wish I could smash my own dick
I say no thanks, I'd rather dislocate my head
And shove it all the way up my ass when I spread

[Chorus]
Ooh, baby, it's a lonely night
Here in my coffin, oh so tight
I've got no dick, but I love to bone
On this night, I'm all but alone
Ooh, baby, it's a lonely night
My cheap pillow waifu feels so right
I've got no dick, but I love to bone
On this night, I'm all but alone