[Verse 1]
I didn't notice you there
'Til I felt your breath on my neck hair
Now you put me through my paces
You don't know what personal space is

[Pre-Chorus 1]
And not a soul in the room
Seems to have your need to share
Did you ever stop to wonder
Does anybody care?

[Chorus 1]
Maybe the ladies are impressed
But I don't think so, let's be honest
Why don't you give that thing a rest
You're just a one-man pissin' contest

[Verse 2]
This used to be a nice place
And now your dick is in the mayonnaise
How does one vent one's sense of sickness
At skull and skin of such vast thickness?

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Of everybody at the party
Your target had to be me
I really hate to disappoint you
But I ain't got the need
[Chorus 2]
'Cause it's the thing you do the best
The kind of fight of which you're fondest
You wanna brag, well be my guest
You won a solo pissin' contest

[Chorus 1]
Maybe the ladies are impressed
But I don't think so, let's be honest
Why don't you give that thing a rest
You're just a one-man pissin' contest

[Instrumental interlude]

[Pre-Chorus 3]
I think by now we know better
You can't get blood from a bore
We gonna find that stupid sucker
Who let you through the door

[Chorus 1]
Maybe the ladies are impressed
But I don't think so, let's be honest
Why don't you give that thing a rest
You're just a one-man pissin' contest
[Chorus 2]
'Cause it's the thing you do the best
The kind of fight of which you're fondest
You wanna brag, well be my guest
You won a solo pissin' contest

[Chorus 3]
None of the ladies were impressed
Our recollection may be jaundiced
We all recall with special zest
We saw a solo pissin' contest

[Outro]
You're just a one-man pissin' contest