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The video starts off with an ad for 'Omaze'. Omaze is a website that gives away prizes that give money to select charities such as 'After-School All-Stars' which was founded by Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1992. If you would like to hear more, go to Stevie's video in the URL given, or go to his YouTube channel
[End of Ad]
[Waiting Music, Steve Raises Eyebrows at Girlfriend]
[Girl]
Shut up!
[Steve]
*Smiles and Nods*
[Girl]
Serenade me!
[Steve}
Yeah...Haha, yeah!
[Girl]
*Clapping*
[Steve (Last Resort - Papa Roach)]
CUT MY WIFE INTO PIECES
WITH A SERRATED SWORD!
CUT AND SLICING, AND DICE HER
OH, BUT FIRST, CAN YOU MAKE ME SOME SUPPER?
Ner-ner-ner-ner-nernеrnernerner-
[Girl]
NO! That's not a lovе song!
Play me a love song with your acoustic!
[Steve]
O-oh, yeah.. Sorry about that babe!
[Steve (The Only Exception - Paramore)]
And you *craps self*
Are.. The only exception and you *diarrheas self*
Don't give me erections
[Girl]
That's freaking discussing!
[Steve]
Well, I thought you liked love songs!
[Girl]
I wanted songs from the heart, not songs from the shart!
[Steve (All-4-One - And I Swear)]
And I swear~..
That the moon is as big as your thighs
And I swear~..
That my girlfriend is really a guy, with fake hair
[Girl]
DON'T TOUCH ME!
[Steve (Continuing)]
I should have swiped left
Your face looks like your butt..
I'm sorry but you will never make me ***
And I swear~...
[Girl]
Skip!
[Steve (John Legend - All of Me)
Cause all of me is like half of you
I caught most of your infections..
Just wish you would trim your downstairs hedges
[Girl]
*Gasp*
[Steve (I don't know this song)]
Lady in blue, she stands when she pees..
I saw her last night, she's more well-hung than me!
Oh, what a sight to see!
I'll never forget, her ass is hairier than mine!
[Girl]
Can you play photograph?
[Steve (Photograph - Nickelback)]
Oh yeah, sure babe!
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
When did your eyes get so big?
Two years ago, we should have burned that wig!
[Girl]
No! I meant Photograph by Ed Sheeran!
[Steve (Photograph - Ed Sheeran)]
Oh, haha, right, sorry babe!
Don't go changing the radio station, when we're driving in the car. Mhmhmh~
It's my medal playlist..
And if you don't like it?
You can buy your own damn car!
[Girl]
Yeah, yeah, sorry I don't like your Dr-DreamTheatre!
That stupid DreamTheatre song lasted the entire seven minutes to the gas station!
[Steve (Another Song I Don't Know)]
Th-yeah, and we almost made it through the intro!
Passin' shart
That's your only skill
Stop before
You make me feel sickly ill!
That's some shart!
[Girl]
I'm too young to know that song, skiiiip!
[Steve (Kiss on my List - Daryl Hall & John Oates)
Because my fist, my fist, is all you kiss
Because my fist, my fist, is on my wrist
Because my fist is all you kiss when I turn off the lights!
[Girl]
So that's why your lips taste like knuckle!
[Steve (Maybe I Didn't Love You - Willie Nelson)]
Maybe I didn't punch you quite as hard as I should!
And baby I wasn't honest, you never gave me ****
Your eyes are like the nipples on your breasts
The right one always looks inside!
Your eyes and nipples aren't aligned
And that is all that's on my mind
[Girl]
Oh yeah, because your eyes are so perfectly aligned!
[Steve (I Will Do Anything for Love - Meat Loaf)]
And I would do anything for love
I just wish you would shave your back
And I would do anything for love..
[A moment of silence]
But I won't do that
[Girl]
Won't do that? Right, right
Well if you don't need me anymore, I guess I'll be on my way, bye!
[Steve]
Well, babe, I wasn't done!
[Girl]
Bye, bye forever
Thanks for the memories!
[Steve]
Oh, you want me to sing you a country song!
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
I- hahah..
Yeah, I f-, I forgot the lyrics, babe..
[Girl]
Do that again and I WILL threaten you
[Steve (Lonestar - Amazed)]
I don't know why you do what you do
Out of ten you are a two if you're wearing a paper bag
I don't know what to do with my life
You haven't changed your shirt since two-thousand-and-five!
And you're a bed wetter!
[Girl]
Skip!
[Steve (Again, I Don't Know)]
I think that if we had a baby
I'd probably drown it in the sink oh yeah-yeah!
I'd have to stay with you forever!
You would take my car and house
[Girl]
>:(
S k i p!
[Steve (Wonderwall - Oasis)]
I said maybe
Your skin is dry, and blemishy, and pasty!
[Girl]
Skip!
[Steve (Sorry, I think I'm dumb or something)]
Baby!
I could [ ? ] Taylor Swift with a beard
Oh~ the more I look at you the sicker I get!
[Girl]
Bye! I'm leaving, goodbye. *drops something*
[Steve (Continuing)]
And now that your ass is in view
I might leave the room and throw up.. *gags*
Wait, no-no-no-no, babe!
[Girl]
No, I'm leaving for good this time!
[Steve]
Baabe!
[Girl]
Have fun being alone by the way, you'll never get a girlfriend!
[Steve]
Babe.. I love you
[Girl]
I don't care!
[Steve]
I haven't played you your favorite song yet, you can't just-
Give me one more chance, oh, come-, mwah, mwah, mwah, come on, one more chance!
[Girl]
This is your LAST chance!
[Steve]
One more chance, I promise this time, I'll sing- I'll sing good this time. I promise
[Girl]
Well then, favorite song, please!
[Steve (Have I Told You Lately? - Van Morrison)]
Have I told you lately?
[Silence again]
**** You!
[Girl]
Yup, yup, YUP!
[Steve (Continuing)]
Have I told you, there's a few people above you?
😬
You broke my bathroom scale
You're like a nerdy whale!
Now my scale's stuck at two-forty-two..
[Girl]
*gasps* you TRICK!
Give me- give me that!
[Steve]
Babe!
Babe, what the heck are you doing? This is not sanctimonious!
[Girl (Señorita - Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello)]
I love it when you call me 'Señorita'
I know you'd rather be with Camila Cabello
But all you do is cala-la-la-la, cala-la-la-la-la
You're such a nerd geezer
Who looks like he is in Weezer
Now I'm leaving you forever cause you're being such a TRICK!
[Steve]
Oh, baby girl!
[Girl]
You're the worst boyfriend I have ever had this week!
[Steve]
Oh no, come on! Oh, I'll seduce you, babe! I will seduce ya-
[Slams door, phone ringing]
[Steve (Isn't She Lovely? - Stevie Wonder)
Isn't she fugly?
[Girl, stomping feet]
MMMMMM!
[Steve (Shape of You - Ed Sheeran)]
I'm not fond of the shape of you
Three-hundred founds and four-foot-two
[The last minute is exclusively on his YouTube channel, sorry!]
