[BIG T, spoken]
Big T's my name. And swinging low is my game.

(sung)
Take a look at what you see
I bet you've never seen a dick so fine
I've been blessed with style and length
I'm the pinnacle of God's design

I stand up tall and I stand up proud
Every pretty lady loves the way I look
And the way I feel around

Hey buddy, don't you see?
It could be you and Big T

Take a look at what you see
I mean, you're not exactly Richard Gere
Your stomach's all floppy
And your clothes are all sloppy
And your acne won't disappear

But join with me and you'll be just fine
All the pretty ladies won't know what to do
When I'm yours and you are mine
Go on and take your pick
It's you and your dick

[ENSEMBLE]
Who's that boy with the nine-inch toy?
It's you and your dick!

[BIG T]
Every day, walking down the street
You're the number one butcher
With the prime cut meat

[ENSEMBLE]
Who's that man with the big, black plan?
It's you and your dick!

[BIG T]
Every night, when the mood is right
If the ladies give me lips
Then, baby, I won't bite, hey!

(spoken)
Well, maybe just a little. I might, just, you know, a little nibble. Just a, just a little.

(sung)
Take a look at what you see
It's a dick who's come crawling back
He left you out there in the world
Now, tell me, what kind of dick does that?
He's not worth your time
He can't even screw
He's a floppy pecker who just hangs around
He could never be the dick for you

[ENSEMBLE]
Who's that boy with the nine-inch toy?
It's you and your dick!

[BIG T]
Get that sad little bishop out of here!

[ENSEMBLE]
Who's that man with the big, black plan?
It's you and your dick!

[BIG T]
There's a new dick in town
And his name
Is Big Tallywhacker!