Scene in Clouds

Ruckus: My stars and God , president Ronald Reagan my hero! Is this heaven?

Ronald Reagan: Not just heaven Ruckus, white heaven. you see there are many different types of people ruckus, so God created many separate but, well, for the most part, equal heavens

Ruckus: You don't say?

Ronald Reagan: White Heaven is for decent, good, God-fearing Christians who just happen to, well, hate everyone and everything relating to black people. That means no Muhammad Ali, no hip-hop music and no fucking Jesse Jackson

Ruckus: What about Whoopi Goldberg?

Reagan: Nope

Ruckus: Ohhh! This is Heaven!

Reagan: Turns out that god really doesn't have that much of a problem with racism: he doesn't even remember slavery, except in February. Personally, I hate black people Ruckus. That's why I did everything I could to make their lives miserable: crack? me. AIDS? me. Reaganomics? c'mon, I'm in the name. And God has rewarded me, you know why Ruckus?

Ruckus: Uh, Cause two n***as and two quarters don't add up to a dolla?

Reagan: Well that, and because god loves white people. And if you teach everyone on earth to love the white man, you too can join us in white heaven

Ruckus [waking from DREAM]: Oh Oh Oh, praise white God!

Cue Intro
Scene at house, Shabazz books everywhere

Huey: Ok, so this meeting of the executive board of the comity to free Shabazz K Milton Berle now officially commenced. Let's see now, attendance. All in attendance, say "here."

Jasmine: Here!... [in a doll's voice] "Here"

Huey: Jasmine, Mrs Wellington isn't a member on this board
Now, first item on the agenda: our planned bus trip tomorrow to the visit our illegally imprisoned brother and offer him moral support. Have we assembled our reading material and baked goods for brother Shabazz?

Jasmine: Check! I have the latest edition of highlights and two and a half Fig Newtons

Huey: Two and a half?

Jasmine: Mrs. Wellington got hungry

Huey: What about the snacks for the two hour bus ride?

Jasmine: I got part of a Luncheable and half a bottle of Snapple

Huey: Oh so you just wanna drink the white man's poison, huh?

Jazmine: I dont...

Huey: High fructose corns syrup, read about it. It'll kill you. [pause]
Great so we'll just get a head count for the trip. Everyone who's going, raise their hands.... [no one] Ah c'mon Jasmine, the man is on death row, he needs our moral support
Jazmine: I'm not allowed to go past the second light post...

Huey: I hope you don't treat me like this when I'm on death row

Jazmine: I'll go next time; I promise

Huey: Well, he'll be dead next time, but I'll tell him you said hi

Jazmine: This is uncomfortable...

New Scene Uncle Ruckus at Robert's door

Ruckus: God bless you, Robert. How are you this fine morning?

Robert: You're not a Jehavoh's Witness now, are you? Cause I'm in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

Ruckus: Hahahahaha. Robert, I'm dying. That's right. Went to the doctor this morning. I only got six months to live. Tumor on the back. They call it Biggus Backus Tumoritis or some other big word that my tiny Negro brain and big lips can't pronounce
Doctors say they can't operate, but praise be the white God and his son white Jesus

Robert: Well I'm sorry to hear that Ruckus. You're not contagious are you?

Ruckus: Just contagious with the holy spirit of our Caucasian savior, I'm on a mission of God. Now let me share his word with you , come child of God, come!

Scene outside

Dubois: do you know whats going on?
Ruckus: Please everybody everybody gather round gather round to hear the good news god is white and he loves the white man above all others

White guy: Alright! woohooo! yeah! haha, yeah! [awkward pause] Sorry...

Ruckus: Don't be sorry white man, only niggers and Mexicans are sorry. Ne joyful God love you, that's why he made his only begotten son in your image. God hates darkys!

Dubois: Hehe, well actually I'm more of a caramel complexion... but I'm outraged all the same!

Ruckus: Here ye hear ye, white god is a good god, even darkies can rejoice, for even ones cursed with the skin of coal, can enter the gates of paradise, if he hates his own blackness, in white Jesus-e's name! Amen!

Robert: What!

Ruckus: That's right Robert Freeman, you must hate thyself to save thyself

White guy: But uh...we're ok?

Ruckus: What?

White guy: We're ok, right?

Ruckus: Of course

White guy: Cool

Ruckus: So who among this flock will join me so that the world can hear the message of love and redemption?

Robert: Ruckus you done lost it this time, you really dying?

Ruckus: Praise god yes I am , heed the word darkies!

White guy: I think you're on to something, tell me more!

Ruckus: Well first of all the Gipper is standing at the pearly gates, there he wear the all white suite, got some white tennis shoes and...

Scene in Jail

Huey: At this point were resorting to what I call desperation tactics

Shabazz: Such as?

Huey: I've sent anonymous letters to the governor threatening to expose his gay lover

Shabazz: I wasn't aware the governor was gay

Huey: He probably isn't but I figure about 10 percent of people are gay and probably half the people cheat on their spouses, so I figure we got about a 5 percent chance, better than nothing

Shabazz: Huey..

Huey: What you're always saying I should have faith, well that's me having faith: random anonymous blackmail

Shabazz: Huey the turned down the final appeal the execution date has been set, it's in two month

Huey: Two months - that's so soon...

Shabazz: I've had a long time to come to peace with this

Huey: It's not over yet

Riley [talking to other prisoner]: why don't you just holla at him?

Prisoner: Idk he's so detached. We used to spend all our yard time together, we used to lift weights together everyday; he doesn't even spot me any more, I think there's somebody else...

Riley: Jail n***a, you gay

Scene outside church

Ruckus: You see the blackness in our skin represents sin, which is why god wants us to hate the black in us

Random Black girl: Yes, yes, hate the sin, not the sinner

Ruckus: you got to... love god... got to....

Other side of the street

Jazmine: Do you believe in God, Huey? I believe in God

Riley: First of all, I'ma live forever! But if I do die, I'm gon' smack God upside the head and gon' tell him to get me a grilled-cheese sandwich and some tacos!

Jazmine: [to Huey] When I want something or I'm afraid about something, I pray. Have you ever prayed?

Riley: And I dare God to say somethin'! I'll be like 'Say somethin', God! Say somethin'! Yeah, I thought so!'

Jazmine: [to Huey] You should pray for Shabazz. God'll get him out of jail. They have to listen to him. He's God!

Riley: And if God say somethin' I'll be like this: [punches the air] OO, Take that, God! I'll be beatin' God's jaw like: Pla-kow! Blaow!


Armstrong: Excuse me, reverend

Rucksu: Hey, Hey I know you you're the Armstrong Elder, I seen you on the tv news. you're the only darky I ever seen make any sense on the tv news, Hallelujah! And you talk white too, that's very impressive, for a monkey. No offense

Armstrong: Uh none taken. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to you about expanding our message

Ruckus: I bet you have a white wife

Armstrong: Yes I do have a white wife

Ruckus: Can I see a picture of her?

New Scene in Huey and Jazmine at home

Huey: Its called Operation Black Steel

Jazmine: We should call it...

Huey: Were calling it Operation Black Steel. I like that name: were not changing it... [awkward pause] whats your suggestion?

Jazmine [clears throat]: Jasmine and Huey's plan to get his friend out of jail

Huey: why's your name first?

Jazmine: Because I thought of the name

Huey: were callin it Operation Black Steel

Jazmine: suit yourself... you'll be sorry

Huey: what? [pause] whatever

Huey: Operation Black Steel works as follows:
[Scene of imagined operation]

Huey [narrating]: Shabaz K Milton Berle will be executed exactly 63 days from now. That night there'll be a candle light vigil. Grandad, who refuses to take an interest in the fatal brother Shabazz, will probably stay in the car and watch Firday [scene of grandpa laughing] One hour before brother Shabazz's execution, he will be taken from his cell and brought to the prison hospital where he will receive his final examination

At precisely that time I'll fake a massive heart-attack

People in the crowd outside shouting: somebody do something! Where's his parents? the kids dying, man!

[second of Robert watching Friday in his car]

Robert: hahah, that's so funny, it's yo ass, Mr. postman

[return to scene at prison]

Huey [resuming narration]: The guards will have no choice but to bring me in the hospital while Shabazz is there. They'll have no idea i'm a black radical freedom fighter, until its too late. I'll be able to tranquilize two of the guards right away, after that, I've got the stun baton

Guard: we got a problem here!
[scene of break out]

Huey: we'll be gone before they even know what hit em
[Return to house scene]

Jazmine: what happens then?

Huey Then I move to Cuba for the rest of my life, that's assuming i'm not killed at the breakout. Yeah, this is a good plan

[Huey Narrates Shabbaz story]

Huey: Shabazz K. Milton Burough was actually interning for the black panthers one day in early 1970 he hadn't even earned his black beret and leather jacket. One fateful day he heard a gunshot and the words:

Eli: I, Eli Gorbinzky, hate deputy sheriffs. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I hate all police officers and parking enforcers, and that's why I, Eli Gorbinzky, shot this here deputy sheriff

Huey [resuming narration]: Shabazz never investigated the gunshot or the oddly expositional phrase Eli yelled out, but within minutes the cops had busted down the door to the black panthers office supply shed and arrested Shabazz for the murder of deputy sheriff Gary Fife
Several people witnessed the murder: one had 8 mm video footage, another happened to be a stenographer who had it all transcribed, including Eli's confession, which he oddly enough signed and dated. The murder weapon had Eli's prints all over it, which were clearly visible, since he'd been enjoying a chocolate doughnut at the time of the shooting. There was also a receipt of sale attached to the gun and the manufacturer warranty card was filled out, signed and dated by Eli. During the trial footage of the incident confirmed the stenographer's note that Gary's last words were actually: "Eli Gorbinsky killed me."

After only 20 minutes of deliberation, Shabazz k Milton Merle was sentenced to death

Younger Shabazz: Man ain't this a bitch

New Scene in a church room

Ruckus: Amen! White Jesus tells us and all o da inner paradise, we must hate ourselves, to save ourselves, sounds pretty simple, don't it?

Robert: I can't believe this crazy fool is trying to start a church

Huey: Ruckus had partnered up with famous black conservative armstrong elders to market his ministry. Elders was a media man, he knew just how to package Ruckus for the masses

Ruckus on a tv interview

White Interviewer: so let me get this straight, you believe God is white?

Ruckus: First of all white man let me say that i love you honor you, envy you, enjoy your smell and i celebrate you in the name of white Jesus

Interviewer: Uhm... thank you?

No Thank you, look at that, that's a handsome young man ain't it? Now if god looked like Isaac Hays you think his son would look like this [picture of Jesus]

Interviewer: So black people are a -

Ruckus: Cursed! cursed cursed just look around you, that's why were in the ghettos, that's why were in jail, that's why were in UPN: because god don't like us! You think if god wanted to change that he couldn't? Hell he turned water to wine! He coulda changed UPN to CBS!

Newscaster on TV: Reverend Ruckus and his peculiar Message of race based redemption has begun to spread and fast, how fast? Reverend Ruckus will be holding a revival here at Woodcrest Post Pavilion tonight. Tickets are expected to sell out

Coming up next: time is run out for a condemned man whom many say is innocent after this

[Scene with Dubois and Robert, watching TV]

Dubois: I don't get it: who would actually follow Uncle Ruckus?

Robert: We have to put a stop to this, we're going

Scene with Huey in room

Huey [answers phone]: Yeah?

Shabazz: I'm calling you to say goodbye Huey and thanks for everything you did: it means a lot

Huey: Its not over, I promise, I can't say much because I know people are listening, but ... I promise you

Shabbaz: Goodbye Huey

Riley: Damn Morpheus, what you bout bout to do?

Huey: I love you man [Hugs him]

Riley: Ew n***a, you gay

[scene in next room]

Huey: But Grandad, you promised to take me to the prison tonight!

Robert: Not tonight somebody has to talk some sense into Ruckus

Huey: But i'm trying to save my friend

Robert: Me too

Huey: But I promised him, I gave him my word I'd be there

Grandad: He's gonna die and there's nothing you can do about it!
...Ugh you should pray for your friend Huey: that's all anyone can do for him

Huey: What makes your God any less made up than him [signaling to the TV]?

[Ruckus on tv]: Martin Luther king and all the color folks died before him are boiling in Hell like a big dark chocolate stew, so hate the black man in you!

Dubois [walking in]: Hmhmhm row 8 seats 44 and 45

[Final scene alternates between Ruckus preaching in auditorium, Shabbaz in the electric chair, The Governor in his office and Huey by a tree on top of a mountain in a thunderstorm. Huey narration sets the backdrop]

Huey: Operation Black Steel, the mission to liberate Shabazz K. Milton-Berle, was aborted... because I couldn't get a ride

Ruckus: People say to me 'Ruckus'. I say 'Huh, who said that?' They say 'How do I make it to White Heaven?' Well, start by askin' yourself 'How is my relationship with the white man?' Do you celebrate the white man's goodness every day? Do you stop and thank the white man for the food you eat and the clothes you wear? Huh? Well, if you don't, you goin' to Hell. Now, I want everybody who isn't white to turn to a white person and say 'Thank you.'

Dubois [putting his hand on white mans shoulders]: Thank you

Ruckus: People say to me 'Ruckus'. I say 'Huh, who said that?' They say 'How do I make it to White Heaven?' Well, start by askin' yourself 'How is my relationship with the white man?' Do you celebrate the white man's goodness every day? Do you stop and thank the white man for the food you eat and the clothes you wear? Huh? Well, if you don't, you goin' to Hell. Now, I want everybody who isn't white to turn to a white person and say 'Thank you.'

Ruckus: Well, there are those of you who say I'm a racist. There are those of you who say I'm wrong for hatin' n***as. Well, I call y'all ALL hypocrites! Cause each and every one of you can name ten n***as you hate right now if you had to!

Dubois: I never thought about it like that. There's Tyrone... Leon... Oh! Eddie!

Ruckus: You don't have to admit it. That's OK. Cause I know you done already counted off five n***as in yo' head! You're like 'I hate that n***a Jamal! Oh, I hate Otis! I can't stand Usher!'

Dubois: Oh my God, he's right! I hate Usher, too!

Robert: What?

Dubois: He's right. I think I hate black people!

Robert: Tom, stop being stupid!

Dubois: No, I think I hate 'em all. I don't like Puffy! I don't like Kobe! I don't like... I don't like any of 'em!

Robert: Tom, snap out of it! Come on, we're leaving

Ruckus: That's right! Somebody out there is feelin' the spirit!

Dubois: I am! I am! I feel it!

Ruckus: If you black of skin and full of sin, come forward so I may lay my hands on you [slaps a black man] Uncle Ruckus: Black be gone!

Crowd: Thank you Jesus!

Ruckus: praise white Jesus!

[man screaming in pain]

Ruckus: Now, I want everybody to find the nearest black man and lay hands on him. But first, make sure your hand is balled up in a fist so you can beat the black outta his soul. God smiles when you hate blackness so you beat that darkie in the name of the Almighty! Hallelujah!

[the whole congregation starts beating each other. Granddad pulls Tom away from the melee]

Ruckus: That's right! Ronald Regan said "Beat a n***a's ass and go to Heaven." God is good!

Huey [with tears in his eyes]: I never prayed before. I don't even know who I'm praying to. Maybe I'm too young to know what the world is suppose to be... but it is not suppose to be this. It can't be this. So please...

Attendant: Governor!

Governor: what is it?

Attendant: They've found out about Raul!!!

Ruckus: Now, let us pray. Lord, I have spent my whole life hatin' you for makin' me black. And now I see I must hate myself and all those like me. And cause them misery just like your servant, Ronald Reagan did. And if any of my words don't come directly from the Almighty God himself, then may I be struck by lightning right this very instant! Halle- [Ruckus is struck by lightning] AAAAHHHHHHH!

[Scene of Shabazz, still alive, phone is ringing]

Guard: What just happened?

Shabazz: would somebody like to get that? I think it's for me

Huey: The lighting bolt that saved Shabazz life seemed to have struck uncle ruckus on his tumor. Doctors would find no remaining signs of his cancer, some called it a miracle. Maybe there are forces in this universe we don't understand

Ruckus [To men trying to pick him up]:Get your black banana peeling hands off a me

Huey: But I still believe we make our own miracles

Governor: I don't know how they found out about us, but we have to end it Raul
[Raul cries]

Huey: Shabazz K. Milton Berle was not free, but for now, the mission had been accomplished. I decided to take the rest of the day off, I wonder if there's anything good on TV