One more picture, hold it

All lined up in a wedding group
Here we are for a photograph
We're all dressed up in a morning suit
All trying not to laugh
Since the early caveman in his fur
Took a trip to Gretna Green
There's always been a photographer
To record the happy scene

[Chorus]
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor old soul, blimey what a joke
Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke
Clap hands, stamp your feet
Banging on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum
Stick it in your family album

The same thing happened long ago
When man was in his prime
And what went on we only know
From the snaps he took at the time
When Adam and Eve in their birthday suit
Decided to get wed
As Adam was about to taste the fruit
The man with the camera said
[Chorus]
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor old eve, there with nothing on
Face all red and her fig leaf gone
Clap hands, stamp your feet
Banging on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum
Stick it in your family album

You've read it in a 'folio
Or seen it in a Shakespeare play
How Juliet fell for Romeo
In the merry, merry month of May
And as he climbed the orchard wall
To reach his lady fair
As he tumbled she began to bawl
As he floated through the air

[Chorus]
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor young chap, what a night he's spent
Tights all torn and his rapier bent
Clap hands, stamp your feet
Banging on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum
Stick it in your family album
One more picture, hold it

King Henry the Eighth had several wives
Including Anne Boleyn
And he kept an album of their lives
With all their photos in
As Anne Boleyn was on her knees
Dressed in her very best frock
King Henry shouted, "Smile dear, please"
As her head rolled off the block

[Chorus]
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Comes the print in a little while
She lost her head but she kept her smile
Clap hands, stamp your feet
Banging on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum
Stick it in your family album

One more picture, hold it

When Napoleon married Josephine
There was just the same to do
He galloped home from the battle scene
All the way from Waterloo
And as he came from off his horse
To the boudoir where she sat
She said to him, in French of course
As he took of his big cocked hat
[Chorus]
Hold it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
There she was with a big huzzah
All caught up in her ahhaha
Clap hands, stamp your feet
Banging on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum
Stick it in your family album

Stick it in your family
Stick it in your family
In your family album