[Dillie]
We received an invitation in the post one Monday morn'
To attend our cousin's wedding in the town where we were born
The do was back in Kerry, so wishing to be frugal
We trawled the 'net to find some decent travel deals on Google
Cheap flights, cheap flights, cheap as they can be
Bedad we found an airline selling flights for 50p

[Adèle, Liza]
Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai

[Dillie]
Well we clicked on to the website and were mightily surprised
To find the actual cost wasn't quite as advertised
We'd forgotten airport taxes, had also to be billed
But a bargain is a bargain and begorrah we were thrilled
Cheap flights, cheap flights, Stanstead to Tralee
Ah, it isn't every airline offers flights for 50p

[Adèle]
Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai
[Liza]
Diddly aiden daidin daidin
[Adèle, Liza]
Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai
[Liza]
After studying the website we decided it was best
To pay priority boarding so that we'd sit three abreast

[Adèle, Dillie]
Three abreast, that's the best

[Liza]
And of course we'd all have luggage, so that's an extra cost
And then we paid insurance in case our cases might get lost, ah

[All]
Cheap flights, cheap flights, it's obvious to see
There must be extra charges when the flights are 50p
Minya, minya, minya, key change

[Dillie]
At last the flight was booked with all of the additions
We'd read the reams of smallprint of terms and conditions
And then, by god, they charge for using VISA which was drastic
'Cause how the feck are you supposed to pay if not with fecking plastic?

[All]
Cheap flights, cheap flights, we paid the fecking fee
'Cause by now we were committed to the flights for 50p
Diddly aiden daidin daidin
Diddly aiden daidin daidin
Someone's being diddled and it's us, so it is
Ochone, ochone, aah
Now I don't know if you've tried locating Stanstead on a map
But checking in at 5am is a fecking load of crap
Yese banjaxed if you try to catch a train or underground
So a taxi to the arse in the world is more than a hundred pounds
Cheap flights, cheap flights, we should have gone by sea
There's no such fecking thing as a fecking flight for 50p
Feckity feckity feckity feckity feck, feck, feck
Feckity feckity feckity feckity feck, feck, feck

Then at last we reached the airport where we had to pay a fine
The fecking feckers charged us 'cause we hadn't checked in online
And finally aboard the flight there's an extra class of tax
'Cause the fecking fecking feckers fecking charge to use the jacks
Cheap flights, cheap flights, I think you must agree
That only fecking gobshites think there's flights for 50p

[Sung in counterpoint:]
[Liza]
Feck, shite, feck, shite, feck, shite, arse
Feck, shite, shite, feck, feck, shite, arse
[Adèle]
Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feck
Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckty Feck
[Dillie]
Feck the shagging cheapskate bastards
Feck the shagging, feck the shagging, feck the shagging bastards
[Dillie, spoken:]
Sad verse
[Dillie, sung:]
Well finally we landed and tried to shuffle up the aisle
But the steward sent us down to the back with never a hint of a smile
And as we heard his annoucement our hearts gave a terrible thump
If you haven't prepaid to use the steps you'll have to fecking jump

[All]
Cheap flights, cheap flights, you're harking on to me
You're an eejit if you think a fecking flight is 50p

[All, shouted:]
Feck!