My husband came home Friday with a brand new motor car
He told me I could drive it I said Brian your a star
We drove down to the boozer for a vodka and a fag
Then of course we had celebrate the purchase with a shag

We'd go dogging
We'd go dogging
We're a treat for any passers by out jogging
We do it cos we've found that when people crowd around
It is somehow more profound when your dogging

(Spoken)
Oh now well some of the older members of the audience my have a little bit of difficulty with this one
I just say hang on in there and think the meaning will shine through
Bill how are you doing
Anyhow if you are still a little bit in the dark at the end
Just ask a young person or emm...Google
Just don't take your computer for repair immediately afterwards

(Sung)
Well we drove down to the far end of the car park back of Asda
A Threesome was hard at it in a sporty little Mazda
It made it more exciting as they pressed against the glass
And when Brian got his torch out you could see right up her arse

They were dogging
They were dogging
Believe me they were more than merely snogging
But though her cheeks were parted she spoilt it when she farted
And we wanted to get started on OUR dogging
(Spoken)
Now how are the older members doing now
Not finding it too impenetrable
Those of a sensitive disposition...leave now

(Sung)
Well we rushed back too our car cos we were randy as two goats
But being late November we had on our duffle coats
We should have stripped off first before getting back inside
Cos disrobing in a smart car isn't easy have YOU tried

We were dogging
We were dogging
In the struggle poor old Brian tore his frogging
Our apparel was misguided cos when our heads collided
Brian's manhood then subsided but that's dogging

Well I admit this was a set back but i wasn't beaten yet
Cos I'm really very handy with my man's beef bayonet
I quickly had his flagpole up responding to my touch
And next thing I was upside down and staring at the clutch

We were dogging
We were dogging
The heat was on to stop the windows fogging
Thank god for plastic sheeting well one must protect the seating
Cos the fabric takes a beating when your dogging
Well by now a crowd had gathered it was cheering fit to burst
An Bri was close to peeking tough he likes me to come first
My legs were out the sunroof as I really hit my stride
Then Brian promptly stopped and cried THE ROZZERS ARE OUTSIDE

We were dogging
We were dogging
We were so alarmed our arteries were clogging
But we took it on chin when the copper with a grin said
Can anyone join in with your dogging
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well as you can imagine Bri and I were thrilled to bits
I love to feel a coppers truncheon in between my tits
My ecstasy was mounting I was feeling so alive
When who should wander by but a bloke from channel 5

He likes dogging
HE likes dogging
He signed us for a series he was flogging
So watch out for Bri and me and the odd Celebrity
We were shagging on TV likely dogging

Oh we'll be dogging
We'll be dogging
Oh Think of all the lime light we'll be hogging
Well the credits show my hand massaging Brian's Gland
The Presenter's Russell Brand lovely dogging