Ooh
(And fly the gauze)
Ooh

Painting on the glitz
Painting on the brave faces
Painting on the smile, the style, the guile
Wiping out the faintest traces of pain and sorrow
Let's think about that tomorrow

Sharpening the wits
Powdering the perked noses
Summoning the will, the skill, the thrill
Taking up the opening poses, so eyes and teeth, girls
Don't show them what's underneath, girls
Get ready to go
For the biz that is called "show"

Painting on the glitz
Painting on the glitz

[Verse 1]
It's a funny old life when you look at it, really, this showbiz lark
The way every evening the lethargy leaves you when it gets dark
In spite of the fact that last week I had flu, and I'm still not well
And last night I went out on the town and got drunk and I feel like hell
And I slept with one of the crew, but can I remember who?
I'm sure he had a tattoo
As the curtain goes up, I think to myself: "Did I feed the cat?"
I succumb to the usual panic attack as my thighs are fat
The orchestra starts and I blink in the glare of the dazzling lights
In a moment of horror I see that I've gone on in laddered tights
My mother is in and I know that she'll tell me my costume's vile
As usual the woman is late, that's her coming down the aisle
But what the hell, this is showbiz darling, smile
[Verse 2]
Painting on the glitz
Feeling not the least nervous
Think about the way I play today
Really must improve my service, says my instructor
Quite fancy that new conductor
Belting out the hits
Going out to eat later
Everybody goes to pose at Joe's
Might attract that handsome waiter, I bet he's gay though
That's always the way, so hey-ho
What can a girl do?
Oh my god, that was my cue!
Oops!

[Verse 3]
And...keep on the beat, four, one, two
Unreliable feet, four, one, two, three, four
Stay on the note (ahem)
Got this frog in my throat (ahem, ahem)
Stretch out the arm, turn on the charm
Try to stay calm
Now for my kick, four, kick, and, stamp, hop
Shuffle, step, flick
Difficult bit, four, one, two, stamp, hop
Shuffle, step - shit!
Plie, entrechat, fifth position
How the hell did I get this audition?
Dunno why I bother when I'm underlit!
[Verse 1, 2 and 3 sung in counterpoint]

Get ready to go
For the biz that is called-

Showbiz, schmobiz!
People will do anything nowadays to get into it
Yup...anything