I'm a famous artist, a celebrated artist
Everybody knows my name
Those who can afford me willingly accord me
Riches and vast acclaim
Hanging out with Gwyneth, Kate and Stella
Having an affair with Donatella
It's my time, I'm in my prime
My exhibition's coming to the Guggenheim

I'll show my bust of Shirley Temple when she was young
Crafted out of chocolate and camel dung
(Yes, but is it art?)
I found a buyer in Bel Air

I've made a stunning collage which I simply call "Earth"
Featuring close-ups of my wife giving birth
(Yes, but is it art?)
Well, it took ages to prepare

My latest installation is on teenage masturbation
Celebrating shape and size
My head of Morgan Freeman made from blocks of frozen semen
Has got me on the shortlist for a major prize

I turned the lights off to symbolise pain
And when I'd had enough, I turned them on again
(Yes, but is it art?)
No, but I...I couldn't find my chair
I deliberately puked on the gallery floor
Then I ate it up in public 'til I barfed some more
(Yes, but is it art?)
Yes, it's a statement of despair

I proved the critics quite wrong who said that painting was dead
I bought a can of Dutch Boy and I stippled my head
(Yes, but is it art?)
I did some circles and a square

I challenged the aesthetic when I fashioned a kinetic
Mould of Michael Jackson's nose
But the mould needs rearranging 'cause his schnozzle keeps on changing
And now the public come to watch it decompose

I made a ten second film about the ballpoint pen
And showed it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again
(Yes, but is it art?)
I don't know and I don't care
That's 'cause I'm a millionaire!

They told me painting was back, which was a bit of a bore
So I bought a new apartment and I painted the door
(Yes, but is it art?)
Well, it prevented wear and tear
I saved a year's worth of boogers in a Mexican pot
And displayed the piece to show I know what's art and what's snot
(Yes, but is it art?)
Well, it's always nice to share

I defaced a print by Goya with photos of LaToya and sold it to a Rolling Stone
Then I paid a French physician and thanks to parturition
My ultimate self-portrait is my own little clone

I smashed everything Jeff Koons has made this century
Now I'm learning how to draw in the penitentiary
(Yes, but is it art?)
I think it's terribly unfair

But I'll still be
I always will be
Worth a fucking fortune for pieces that need torching
I'm still a millionaire!