[Adèle]
Hey, ho, vodeo do
When I'm around there's an atmosphere of tension
Boom, boom, there's an elephant in the room
It's a subject that nobody
Absolutely nobody
Genuinely nobody wants to mention

Big C...
It comes to you it comes to me
And it's as nasty as can be, Big C
Big C...
It's unexpected you'll agree
And it can make it hurt to pee, Big C

You can lose your sense of humour when you find you have a tumour or some lumps
(I know I did!)
When you hear the diagnosis it is my prognosis you'll be down in the dumps
When you have growths as big as gourds you'll want to go to Lourdes I shouldn't doubt
And if you have chemotherapy then very soon your hair'll be falling out

[Adèle (Dillie and Liza)]
Big C (Big C, Big C)
It has a massive family tree (You must agree)
Many types from a to z (No guarantee that you'll be free)
Big C... (Ahh)
You'll soon find out it holds the key
If you're to be or not to be
Big C...
[Dillie]
Your friends will rush to the rescue
With sage, and thyme and fescue

[Adèle]
Oh, how kind!

[Dillie]
Organic, of course!

[Liza]
They'll insist you give up drinking
And take up positive thinking

[Adèle]
It's all about the mind

[Liza]
Who knew?

[Dillie]
Though their grasps on meds are shakey
They'll suggest a course of reiki
It can't fail

[Adèle]
Better already!
[Liza]
And they've found this brilliant diet
And really, you must try it! It's just kale

[Adèle]
Rather tough...

[Liza]
Not in a nutribullet

[All]
Big C
It isn't cured with herbal tea
Or rubbing crystals on your knee
Big C, Big C
It's no use beefing up your chi
The cells will merely say tee hee
Big C...

Friends will put on cheery faces
And tell of hopeless cases who beat the odds
They will mean it most sincerely but perhaps those folks were merely lucky sods
They will tell of Uncle Fred who was jolly nearly dead; they said adieu
But in spite of his sarcoma, his dialysis and his stoma he climbed K2

Big C, we've made it our philosophy
To face the bastard with a sweep, Big C
We'll crack a bottle of Chablis (or two, or three)
Book that holiday in Capri, Big C
Big C
Big C
Fuck you Big C!