Doesn't matter if you sing out of tune
So long as you're German
Doesn't matter if you can hardly croon
So long as you're German
So if you haven't got a note in your head
Put on a silly accent instead
And people will stop wishing you were dead
So long as you're German

Doesn't matter if the notes are all wrong
And people are squirmin'
Just make the tune up as you go along
Pretend you're German
And if your voice sounds like it's coming through a strainer
Sing it out of sync like Marlena
And soon you'll be compared to Lotte Lenya
Who was Austrian

Nicht hinauslehnes sprechgesang Zauberflöte wunderbar
Johnny!
Wiener Schnitzel, Boris Becker, sturm und drang, Kutsche Berhad
Johnny!

So, if you ever wonder what you have to do
To sound like a Hun
Just chain-smoke from the tender age of two
That's how it's done
And if the audience is all walking out
Just make believe that you're a Kraut
And open your mouth and shout
In German
In German
In German
Auf Deutsche
Jawohl!