[Dillie]
Ooh, pigs in blankets!

[Adèle]
Eighteenths, twenty-firsts, weddings, christenings
Milestones rushing past
Anniversaries, then retirement
Life goes by so fast

It's good to know there will always be an excuse for celebration
And the parties I go to nowadays don't need an invitation

I'm off to a funeral, hippity hip hooray!
A person I didn't know very well has sadly passed away
It's taking place in Leamington Spa, which is always nice to visit
Well at my time of life it's a pleasant day out, that's not too much to ask now, is it?

I'm off to a funeral, a colleague of mine is dead
The woman had bored mе for years and years, now she's boring God instеad
I'll have to set off early, the journey's a bit of a swine
But my bag is large and roomy so I can nick a bottle of wine

But oh gosh, I don't get out like I used to do
At my age festive occasions are far too few
Last rites give us a chance to fraternise
We'll sing some turgid hymns and then we'll socialise
I'm off to another funeral, with sandwiches and cake
Catch up with those ghastly cousins of mine, I love a jolly good wake
We'll tell each other "you haven't changed"
We'll be lying through our teeth
"Donate to the chosen charity?"
Well it's cheaper than a wreath

We all must die, it's part of God's grand design
The late lamented had a sad decline
She didn't want to go on, her bed sores were chronic
Make mine a triple Hendrick's, just a splash of tonic

It's yet another funeral, someone's gone to eternal rest
It's a Humanist service, so that'll be dreary
The Catholics do it best
Oh yes, it's sad that what's-her-face has met her timely end
But secretly it's cheering to think I've outlived another friend

I hear Marjorie's poorly... see you soon!