[KATE MCKINNON, spoken]
Everyone knows the story

[EMMA STONE]
Of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ

[AIDY BRYANT]
But this is the story

[EMMA STONE]
Of another more powerful Christmas savior

[KATE MCKINNON]
The snow's falling down
It’s Christmastime again
A woman has to get a gift
For some girl at work named Jen

[EMMA STONE]
She doesn't know what Jen likes
And she doesn't super care
So she goes inside a closet
Just to see what crap’s in there

[AIDY BRYANT]
In darkness, there's a light
Then suddenly she sees the Christmas savior's here tonight
[ALL]
It's a candle
A plain peach candle
It's been sitting by a bike pump for a year
She takes the candle
Dusts off the candle
Then wraps it up for Jen and just says, "Here."

[EMMA STONE]
Then one day after this
In foggy London town

[EMMA STONE]
Two acquaintances are having tea
When one puts a present down

[AIDY BRYANT]
The other says, "Wait, what?
"I mean, I got you something, too."
Then she rummages inside her purse
For some garbage that will do

[ALL]
A hand, it settles on

[AIDY BRYANT]
Something that she just had gotten from her boyfriend's mom
[ALL]
It's the candle
That same peach candle
Regifted 'round the world in just one day
Oh thank you, candle
The one true candle
The candle we all get, then give away

[AIDY BRYANT]
But here’s a warning:
When you give a candle, that is all that you need
Don’t pair it with a lotion or some lame little cream
A lot of people think two gifts are better than one
But that just makes each gift seem smaller and dumb

[ALL]
So just give the candle
Don't overthink the candle
It’s passed to every single woman and most gays
We all get the candle
We all give the candle
That nine-dollar candle
That almost rude candle
We're joined by the candle
It's the gift of having a gift to give away
The gift of having a gift to give away
[EMMA STONE, spoken]
Thank you, candle