[Intro: Stacy Layne Matthews]
Oooh, aaah
Oooh, aaah
Heather

[Verse 1: Courtney Act, Willam, Alaska Thunderfuck]
They wasn’t thinking when they let you sashay off the show
If they was judging right they never would've let you go
They didn’t know talent, they was trippin’, Kool-Aid sippin'
They was listenin’ to Michelle
And all the fandom had to suffer here without your looks
No henny this, no henny that was so unwatchable
But they didn’t crown you
So they didn’t crown me
Girl, they’ll crown anything
I never felt
The feelings I’ve been feeling every since they made that choice
How dare they tell you that your red outfit was not couture
Oh what I wouldn’t give to have you back for season 9
Not fair

[Chorus: All (Stacy Layne Matthews)]
‘Cause Stacy
(The fuck is Heather?)
When you left I lost some good TV
(Still mad)
I’m still mad ‘bout season 3
(Come back, come back)
Come back henny please
(Come back, come back)
‘Cause who the fuck is Heather?
Who else gon' shake it shake it oh yeah yeah non stop?
Who else gon' eat the meat to the bone and still look cunt?
Who-o gon' rep the Backswamp, North Carolina?
Oh henny henny, who the fuck is Heather?
[Verse 2: Courtney Act]
I can’t sleep at night, henny’s all in my mind
Manila's on the radio
Singing to me, “Hot couture oh oh oh oh oh oh”
Wait a minute this is too cheap (too cheap)
I gotta change the station

[Verse 3: Willam]
So I go online scrolling Raja’s page
Seeing Delta still serving face
I’m watching clips of you, and your glorious rack
No shade to Carmen Carrera, bring them big boobies back

[Verse 4: Alaska Thunderfuck]
I'm downin’ fistfuls of my M&Ms
Throwin’ shade, cryin’
Tryin’ to figure out what they sent you home for
Got a red velvet from the store
Saying, “oh why, oh why?”
I lay your picture by my bedside, Stacy!

[Chorus: All (Stacy Layne Matthews)]
(The fuck is Heather?)
When you left I lost some good TV
(Still mad)
Gave me life on season 3
(Come back, come back)
Come back henny please
(Come back, come back)
‘Cause who the fuck is Heather?
Who else gon' shake it shake it oh yeah yeah non stop?
Who else gon' eat the meat to the bone and still look cunt?
Who-o gon' rep the Backswamp, North Carolina?
Oh henny henny, who the fuck is Heather, Stacy?
[Outro: Stacy Layne Matthews w/ AAA Girls in background]
(The fuck is Heather?)
When I left you fucked up season 3
(Still mad)
Need me back on your TV
(Come back, come back)
Come back henny please
(Come back, come back)
‘Cause who the fuck is Heather?
I’ma shake it shake it oh yeah yeah non stop
I’ma eat the meat to the bone and still look cunt
Tyra was ok but my Mo'Nique was better
Oh henny henny, who the fuck is Heather?