I’m like, not even necessarily having a good day today
Do not assume just because someone thinks they’re messianic
Doesn’t mean they’re not Jon Arbuckle
In fact, assume I’m always on my period
I’ll just adopt all the voices

I’m just try’na make myself laugh while being effective
Do not assume just because someone is so effective
That they’re effectively thе Second Coming of Jesus Christ
Doesn’t mеan they’re not Jon Arbuckle
In fact, I’d like to think I’m always ready to make nice
After I dump the Lake of Fire on you

Hey look, it’s just what we needed
It’s “messianic Jon Arbuckle”
(His singalongs
Wear a cape ’round their neck)
He’s too sane to be a madTV skit
(Too funny to be SNL)
Hey, look, it’s “messianic Jon Arbuckle”
And look
(“What?”)
Look out the window

So I’m like, just going to say whatever comes to mind
Do not assume just because someone’s a genius wordsmith
Doesn’t mean they remember anything they said
You try writing 10,000 spoonerisms a day every day of your life
You try bein’ me—then say what it’s like
I’m just tryin’ to laugh while answerin’ all the big questions
Do not assume just because someone is mean to you
Doesn’t mean they’re bein’ condescending
You are literally actually being spoken up to right now
This is obviously how I speak to myself

HEY
LOOK—it’s just what we NEEDED
It’s MESSIANIC JON ARBUCKLE
(His everyman wisdom
Wears a cross ’round his neck)
He’s too sane to be a madTV skit
(He’s too funny to be SNL)
HEY, LOOK—it’s Messianic Jon Arbuckle
And wait
(“What?”)
Just look out the window

Just look out the window, Jim
(You can see the depths of the future, Mitch)
They’re all coming to get you, man
(And they all hate you like you hate your ancestors)
Take another gander at the view there, Jim
(You can see all of the rings of the future, Mitch)
They’re all comin’ to catch up with you
They’ll make you look like you did your ancestors
[spoken]
“You’d hate to say that the conceptually pinnacle-sexy pinnacle communicator would assert such a gravity, should such a hypothetical being exist, that it’d be like… ‘Easy Mode.’”

[Sounds of crashing furniture.]

[spoken]
“That’s why I’m a stoner who’s both slow on the uptake and on the other slope of my sexiest times.”

[A piano lid drops.]

[spoken]
“Ouch.”

Sup? (SUP)
Yo, it’s ’xactly what we fuckin’ NEEDED
It’s MESSIANIC JON ARBUCKLE
And he’s not even happy to be ONE of us
How fuckin’ offensive!
He’s too sane to be from madTV
And he’s nothing like SNL
Oh, hey—and it’s End Times outside
But here in this song?
You’re listening to “Christ Radio Hour”
Hosted by Messianic Jon Arbuckle

Hey, look
It’s Messianic Jon Arbuckle
After I die, “Twerk!”
Since now you know this’ll always work
If hypocrisy ever tries to null your soul?
And all the pitchforks are comin’ out for ya?
Just be
Messianic Jon Arbuckle
It fucking works