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JT Machinima

"Torbjorn Vs Engineer Rap Battle"

Ash fills the air among spirals of smoke
Hammers smash anvils, the fire is stoked
Masters of craftsmanship shall clash

Excuse me, can we get away without a dramatic intro?

Ayy, let's get into the action

Oh, I hope you're ready, bucko
Go ahead and build 'em up, you're still a short stack
At four foot seven, I kind of adore that
No wonder I have trouble trying to find where Torb's at
Tolkien just called, he'd like his dwarf back
You have a degree? How did you forge that
I've got eleven from attack to support, fact
Better rev up that old molten core stat
And get your burn on, because you only store fat
Wanna be a viking? You gotta be taller
Stop selling your weapons, you're makin' omnics stronger
Then you got lazy when you stopped making armor
But I'll give you an olive branch if I can talk to your daughter
You ought to upgrade, let me give you a hand
Otherwise you won't have a leg on which you can stand
I'll call you long john silver, it's a pleasure captain
But only treasure you'll get is what I been scrappin'

Keep your scrap, 'cause I don't need your scrap
My turrets ready, don't ask where I was keepin' that
I'm a walking furnace, turn up the heat to max
Shed your tears, Engineer, I believe you're sapped
Congratulations on your education
This Texan's potential hasn't been wasted
'Til we face off, then he'll walk on fresh coals
That'll be a warm-up for when his feet get cold
See I don't need a triple decker sentry defense
You let you're turret do the work, I'll be hammerin' heads
At any distance, I'm fit for any positioning
I've written your obituary and it is riveting
You know, for such a burly guy
Your sure not the "get your hands dirty" type
You just sit back relax, and observe the fight
Here's a professional courtesy, diversify

You got a bad case of napoleon syndrome
But at least Mr. Bonaparte knew how to win some
Diversification is my certification
Teleporters and health dispensers? I can make 'em
Now whip out your tennis launcher, we're playin' hard ball
You're an easy target when you're wider than you are tall
It won't only be your toes that I'm steppin' on
I know you're Swedish, but I still think you're a leprechaun

Call me what you want, I might as well be mythical
With my unmatched skills in crafting at their pinnacle
Like Tony Stark, just vertically challenged
You're redneck trash, nothing for me to salvage
You think a single turrets all I've amounted?
I have outfitted armies, the numbers are countless
It's how I built my legacy, my name is reputed
Now I'm bludgeon your face, and I aim to improve it
If my crew can't find health they don't deserve it
I'm a full blown DPS, and I've earned it
I'm a sure shot, and not just a marksman
I've got seven daughters, keep your eyes off them
I drop the gavel, and my enemies scatter
Ain't the size of the man, but his hammer that matters
I could outlast you on health and armor alone
Hold up a second, Brigitte's calling my phone
Hello darling
No you're not going out with a boy I haven't met
What do you mean I know him?

You're lookin' at him


Calm down you old war profiteer
Don't wanna make Thanksgiving awkward this year
Listen Toblerone, don't you overload
You wanna keep your head when you step in the rodeo
'Cause you're as good as dead unless Reinhardt's with ya'
But I can promise I'll be real nice to Brigitte
That's a molten roast, you wanna give me some Hell
Why don't we let our handiwork speak for itself

Turret activated with my verse deployed
By the time you set up your sentry, you'll see your work destroyed
Within an instant I'm ready, even at a distance I'm deadly
My ammunition is endless, so your attrition is steady
When I'm on the payload, I'll effectively defend it
If my builder's on a kill-streak, give me the credit
This is Swedish engineering from an expert designer
Don't American sentries get sent over from China?

I'm a homegrown machine, see the guns I'm toting
You don't begin to compare to me, you're a one-trick pony
Stupid little peashooter look I'm launchin' rockets
If you see me getting upgrades you'll wanna stop it
Throw a wrench in my plans, and I'll just improve
Plus I'm easy to relocate always on the move
Back to the drawing board Torb, with these blueprints
'Cause whatever wasn't broken, you don't need to fix

Beep boop, beep boop

Aw sh*t

Ha ha, just in time Bastion, thank you

Beep boop

I wasn't hit over my head

*Turrets spot Torbjorn*

Oh fu---

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