[Verse 1]
I got a bag of Doritos and a can of Cherry Coke
I turn on the Xbox and I'm already stoked
Because I know nobody can step up to me
While I'm dominating all the land in Halo 3
The assault rifle is lame, the shotgun is insane
But I prefer the battle rifle while I'm fighting long range
You'll be minding your own business
When you're "Pow" beat down
By the time you know it's me, I won't even be around
And without a sound
You can try to find me, but your the one who'll get found
And then I'll pump you full of lead or lay you out with a grenade
If life was based on Halo then I'd know I'd have it made

[Interlude, spoken]
Alright, alright, four killing-sprees, eight frenzies
Fourteen headshots, eleven no-scopes
Seven sticks and sixteen splatters
Not my greatest match, but I'm a little rusty in the morning
Let's go for another round

[Verse 2]
It's not that easy being me, I have many battle scars
But take a look at my rank, a golden crest with stars
And my highest skill reached, in case you hadn't guessed
Is a number that the system can't begin to assess
Because I'm the best, you best not lose your head
Because you're playing against me, and that's enough said
The accuracy of a hawk and the skill of jiu-jitsu
I'll come down on you so fast, you'll never know what hit you
So you wanna party up? Well that's too bad
I don't party up with anyone, because I'm too rad
'Cause you'll only make me lose and that will make me mad
Then the best you'll get from me is a friendly T-bag
I'll splatter you, and beat you down, and maybe play you later
I don't care if you get angry, 'cause you're just another hater
Skullkruncher13 is my Live ID
And I'm the kinda kid who'll make you wonder "How'd he kill me?"
Beating and defeating every meaning
Of the cheating little campers
Their manliness can match exotic dancers
So don't be camping, son
Because I got a Spartan laser, and I see you don't got one
With a bing-zap-bam, you'll be singin' "Hot damn!"
You got lasered by the Skullkrunch, and that's who I am
So no matter where you run, no matter how much luck
I'll be the one to bring you down, and make a fella' yell "Darn!"
[Interlude, spoken]
It is only through strife such as this where a man's wits and charisma are put to the test, and he is pinned against his opposition
When his fate is inevitably doomed, then a man's true nature is discovered
Only through this endurance, may he become a champion

[Verse 3]
The Mongoose and the Warthog, and the Scorpion too
I've got a license for them all, and I'm ready to kill you
You hear the engine revvin' and you know what to do
But when you think you're on the ready
You're already run through, son
Yeah, you know it's what I do best
If I'm snapping your neck or makin' you a total mess
And if you're new to Halo, just call this a hazing
If you give me just a pistol, then I make it look amazing
There's something red on my motion detector
I'll track it right down like I was a vector
Batting off shots with my laser deflector
I'll fight for my Halo and I'll always protect her
Halo is the most incredible game
When I get online, I see that people are lame
'Cause Call of Duty 5 is all that they play
My little sister got that game for her eighth birthday

[Interlude: Kid & SkullKruncher13]
Hey man, you're a tool, you suck at Halo
Excuse me, did you just say that I suck?
Hey, you wanna go? You wanna go with me?
You told me I sucked at Halo, wow, I am going to destroy you
Okay, I'll beat you, I'll beat you in [?], I'll beat you in [?]
Shut up kid, listen, I'm gonna T-bag you so bad
Hey, hey, [?]
I'm gonna bring you down, I'll beat you down, I'll no-scope you, I'll snipe you, I don't care what I do
Hey, hey, stop!
Yeah, you like that? You like that, [?]?
What the heck! No!
Yeah, destroyed, you like that?!
[Verse 4]
When I started off, I was friendly and nice
But now I've gotten much better, and my heart turned to ice
I talk smack to the haters I play
And I can beat 'em all down, so I don't care what they say
And if you're on my team, you better stay out of my way
Because if you don't, you're gonna' get betrayed
And I'll let you kill me back, I don't give a hoot
Because I'll press the X, and I'll give you the boot
(Huh?) And then you send me hate mail in a note
But if you think for one second that I read what you wrote
Well, two words "I don't"
Because you wish you could win
And if you're still pissed off, I'll play and beat you again
Isolation, Last Resort, and even the Rat's Nest
I can never stop playing, 'cause I'm kind of obsessed
And if you wanna fight, I'll rise to the test
Because you're gonna' find out Halo's what I do best