[Verse 1 - Sniper]
Who's ready for some thunder from down under?
I'm a professional, the rest are bloody bludgers
Never should've ever gotten out of bed, love
You'll find yourself belly-up, BOOM! Headshot!
But I'm not done by a long shot yet
A strapping handsome rogue, but I'd call ya drop-dead
I'll make myself a necklace out of your teeth
Cuz I have a plan to kill everyone I meet
Crikey! I make sniping look so easy
Cuz I do it politely, with a slight bit of cheeky
Bushman's rules, set up camp and wait
Till' ya' peak your head out, then it's apples mate
If you knock on Death's door, I'm the one who answers
But unlike my cohorts, I'm the one with standards
So hit me with your best shot, I've always been prepared for it
I love this job - though my parents never cared for it

[Verse 2 - Widowmaker]
You'd better call them now and say goodbye
This is the spider's palace, and now you are the fly
You'll never see me coming, there is nowhere to hide
At the time of the kill, I've never felt more alive
You've got a rendezvous avec la mort
Adieu mon chou, tu veux mourir encore?
Amateur, I will lure you into my web
And give this 'strapping rogue' a beautiful death
One shot, one kill, movement smooth as silk
Merci beaucoup, you've helped to sharpen my skills
Now go to sleep, your fate is written
I'll haunt your dreams, unless you want me in them
The wall behind you, c'est magnifique!
The perfect canvas for my masterpiece
After every battle, the assassin gets paid
Team Fortress peasants - Let them eat cake
[Chorus]
Welcome to your funeral
Isn't this so tragic?
I hope no one asks why we - had to close your casket
If there's a code to headshots
Then you could say I've cracked it
Too bad that my class is always on everybody's blacklist

[Interlude - Sniper, Widowmaker]
Honestly, if I had a penny for how many servers I've been banned from...
I am always getting salt from my teammates
C'est la vie
I feel your pain
I still hate ya though

[Verse 3 - Widowmaker]
I am the sniper who's been updated
Beware my sights - you will never escape it
My recon visor is the newest tech
I can predict your movement, keeping you in check
Here's some advice - and later, you'll thank me
A venom mine awaits you wherever you flank me
Secondary weapon, HA! You can keep it!
I can switch to full auto anytime I need it
I never get angry, I just get even
My aim is steady, and heart barely beatin'
My rifle can charge up, twice as fast
Quick scoping is the only way you can last
Now listen, this is no place for children
You play on the ground, while I'm scaling buildings
I know that's a hard concept to grapple
Now William, tell me, how you like them apples?
[Verse 4 - Sniper]
I'll make ya dance, ya snotty little nance
You're nothing but a show pony, let me see ya prance
I don't need equipment, I use instinct
You're a glorified wall hack, but I can think (aces!)
Quickscoping works when I'm dishing out the crits
All because I covered you with a jug of piss
When I'm bored of bolt-action, then my bow will do
I'm running out of places to put holes in you
When it comes to secondaries - at least I got options
Plus a frying pan to give you a bloody drubbin'
Here's what you and Jane Austen have in common
You're both dead women - no wonder you're rotten
Forget about a medic, here's a mercy kill
You murdered your own husband - was that a thrill?
I'm not a crazed gunman - I've got class and manners
Sittin' on the throne like a cozy camper

[Verse 5 - Widowmaker]
Out in the wild, you have spent some time
How often have you had to drink piss in your life?
Talk about talent - I've been counting kills
All the while, you've honing your survival skills
And besides, I've never heard of an aimbot
Should be in photography, with all of my great shots
C'est vrai, I'll leave a smoking gun
But by the time you've found me, the job is already done
All this time I've been waiting, and patience is a weapon
Careful which window you choose to stick your head in
You need your team, because you're weak and slow
When I'm widow-making, I'll be working alone
So call your parents, and tell them you love them
They hate your profession but it won't be a problem
Soon in time, they'll be smiling wider
When you tell them you're about to retire
[Verse 6 - Sniper]
You won't be making any widows today
Have yourself a Jarate - it's just fresh lemonade
And mind that little red dot on your forehead
Not your goggles love, the one that means 'you're dead'
Anytime you fire, I can follow the trail
You ought to spend time out of doors, you're looking pale
If you want to build me confidence, it might work
You're making this so easy, I'm gettin' worse
If we're talking crackshots, I've authored the novel
If you want, step right up, I'll give you a gob-full
Bloody hell! You're awful, all tech and no talent
A wasted investment by the terrorists at Talon
Technically I'm a Kiwi, still an Aussie bloke
If you come to the outback, bring along your folk
So you can all line up for a headshot conga
Take notes - Amelie, I've been around a lot longer

[Chorus]
Welcome to your funeral
Isn't this so tragic?
I hope no one asks why we - had to close your casket
If there's a code to headshots
Then you could say I've cracked it
Too bad that my class is always on everybody's blacklist