I'm gonna tell the whole world how you put me through hell
And the better I tell it, the better it'll sell
How you made me make your breakfast
How you made me make your bed
And I'm gonna go and I'm gonna tell the whole world
Every surest word you said

Oh you old masher
You dope stasher
You subway flasher I love you

I'm gonna tell everybody that your jockey shorts are red
And you really like instant coffee and you still wet the bed
And if you don't believe me then you're a dumber son of a bitch
That I thought you were in the first place
And didn't think you were too smart to begin with

You told me the you liked the way I sang
But when I put on my record you know you were
Up and out the door with a bang
And you can still hang your hat on my hat rack anytime
But if you won't listen to me sing about you
Then you know you ain't no friend of mine

Oh, you old mucker
You thumb sucker
You motherfucker I love you
Darling I love you, I love you, I love you