[Verse 1]
I am that dickhead in the kitchen
Giving wine to your best girl's glass
I am the amateur pornographer
Unpleasant publisher by hand

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Not here, not here
Heroic acts of man
Not here, not here
Heroic acts of man

[Verse 2]
I see the stumbling pinstriped trouser
Flecks of sick on an office shoe
Part of the fatty British average
Who lives in the houses around you

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Not here, not here
Heroic acts of man
Not here, not here
Heroic acts of man

[Verse 3]
Let's all crowd 'round the cowering body
Throw stocky fingers, bricks and stones
Let's promise every girl we marry
We'll always love them when we probably won't
[Verse 4]
While the knight in shitty armour
Rips the drunk out of her dress
One man tears into another
Hides a coward's heart in a lion's chest

[Verse 5]
Man, he breeds although he shouldn't
He's breeding just because he cums
Acts the father for a minute
Till the worst instincts return

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Not here, not here
Heroic acts of man
Not here, not here
Heroic acts of man

[Bridge]
I have never wanted more, to be your man
And build a house around you
But I am just like all the rest of them
Sorry, selfish, trying to improve

[Outro]
I'm here, I'm here
Not heroic but I try
I'm here, I'm here
Not heroic but I try